Okay, here’s what I’m envisioning: We start off with some rough foreplay (eye-gouging/asphyxiation/mutual bestiality [MB], etc…) and work our way up to the big stuff. I want you to make me feel like the dirtiest whore on the planet, so we’re going to need a pretty big bag of manure and a gallon or so of brine water. From there we experiment with electro-shock treatments on our genital areas, paper cuts under our finger and toe nails, and continue with the MB. Then you tie me up with razor wire and splash urine and whale blubber on my face until I pass out, waiting five minutes before you revive me with an injection of unleaded gasoline into my tongue. After that, untie me from the razor wire with wild strokes from a sharpened hacksaw and we’ll continue with the MB until something dies.

Gertrude (318) 773-64–

Hello, my name is Ula and I was intended for delivery last Tuesday to a Mister Ned Webster of West Covina, California. The address given to my agency was not correct and now I am without means of communication or transport. Please pick me up as soon as possible or I will be deported back to Kiev. Currently, I am staying in the foyer of the Ukrainian consulate in downtown Los Angeles.
Love, Ula.

Oh, boy…this is embarrassing. I met “you” at Steve Winslow’s orgy on Saturday night. I’m the 7-incher with a slightly botched circumcision and a purple cock-ring. You were…um…some sort of hole. It was pretty dark and crazy. But, man, were you something else! I wish I could give more description but, I mean, we just fit perfectly. I don’t know if you’re a man or woman or whatever, I just know that you’re the one for me.
If you felt it too, give me a call at 81823299–.