It’s time once again for local pub trivia team, Agatha Quiztie, to choose their starting lineup for the 2022-2023 season.

All eyes are on head coach of the friend group, Paul, to make these crucial selections. After reviewing the footage from Agatha Quiztie’s last season, it’s clear some changes need to be made to beef up their offensive and defensive knowledge lines.

Stakes are high, and friendships will be severed. But as Paul’s prominent bicep tattoo says, “All’s Fair in Love and Pub Trivia.”

Agatha Quiztie’s first draft pick: Paul’s nerdiest coworker, Michael!

Michael is a raw trivia talent. He’s explosive off the question snap and has excellent lateral agility, allowing him to pivot from current events to science in the blink of an eye. Most importantly, he’s single with no kids, and therefore always free on Trivia Tuesdays.

Agatha Quiztie’s second draft pick: Paul’s sister, Tanya!

Tanya was a can’t-miss prospect for this year’s draft. She has been running drills in the off-season by binge-watching old Jeopardy episodes. Tanya also has lightning-fast recovery skills. We’ve seen this player bounce back seconds after being slammed down by a brutal wrong answer.

Agatha Quiztie’s third draft pick: Paul’s marathon-running friend, Carson!

Carson has great speed and terrific elusiveness. His answer sheet rushing skills are top-tier. This speed is invaluable for timed rounds, where the team needs to drive the answer from table to host in a matter of seconds. Though fans of Carson will applaud this pick, critics will question Paul’s decision to choose brawn over brains this early in the draft.

Agatha Quiztie’s fourth draft pick: Paul’s friend from college who can recite every line from Star Wars, Derek!

Derek is strong as an ox in the movie category. This specialized focus allows him to maneuver around the competition on film-heavy trivia nights with unmatched speed and power. Last season, fans witnessed the biggest Hail Mary of pub trivia history when Derek answered every single Lord of the Rings question correctly—in fluent Orcish.

Agatha Quiztie’s final draft pick: Paul’s improviser friend, Katie!

Katie is a great locker-room player. While she may not have a high trivia IQ, she’s light on her feet and keeps the team spirit alive. Katie is a fan favorite, and pub regulars will be happy to see her back on the bar stools this season.

That concludes the 2022-2023 Pub Trivia Team Draft for Agatha Quiztie. Only time will tell if Paul put together a team strong enough to tackle opponents in the pub week after week.

Second-string will be notified via group text. Paul asks for backups to please clear their Tuesday night schedules indefinitely, in case a starting player gets sick or starts fumbling one too many geography questions.