Your mother gave you the gift of life, so this Mother’s Day, why not get her a last-minute Bath and Body Works gift basket, now on sale for $15!
Because nothing says thank you for sacrificing your hopes and dreams like a mass-produced basket that’s 80% tissue paper filling. Which is sure to come in handy when she breaks down in tears over what an amazing gift she has just received! And with a deal like this, you can spend the rest of your adult allowance on a Cinnabon in the food court later. It’s what your mom would have wanted. She always puts you first!
In reality, the greatest gift you could ever give your Mother would be to go forth into the world and become a successful, self-sufficient, adult. But that’s a lot of effort and living in the basement rent free is working really well for you right now!
Besides, becoming an adult is a whole thing and you just haven’t gotten around to it yet. You’re not throwing your life away, you’re just a late bloomer! After all, your mother provided you with food, shelter, and clothing from ages 0 to 18. As far as you’re concerned, covering you for the next 18 years is a move she should have seen coming.
In fact, here at Bath & Body Works, we’re making it so easy you don’t even have to drag your ass out of bed to get your Mom the shitty gift she never wanted! Now you can order it online, and get it shipped to your door, gift wrapped and ready for you to pass off as your own effort!
“Oh Billy, the wrapping paper is beautiful! You put so much time and effort into making me this wonderful basket!”
And that’s exactly what your mom will be saying when she opens her totally unique one of a billion gift basket. And feel free to take credit for the beautiful wrapping job, our workers in China certainly won’t! Because Mom’s want nothing more on their special day than the gift of lies. Especially when in direct relation to the effort you put in to make them happy. Sure, your Mom worked two jobs for 15 years, while raising you and your shit head brother, but spend a few minutes browsing our Mother’s Day gift ideas and see those years of stress and misery just melt off her face!
Feeling especially giving this year? Still clinging to your life savings, aka your 2017 federal tax refund? Check out our section, “$50 and Under!” for gift packs reserved for big spenders only.*
But, price points aside, let’s remember what Mother’s Day is truly about. Anyone can order some flowers, or write a letter thanking mom for everything she has given for you over the years, but nothing says “Thank You” like a Beach Body Cream & Warm Vanilla Sugar Bath Fizzy with a free gift of a CocoShea Butter Sample Pack.
Your mother spent an excruciating 18 hours in labor to push you out of her vagina. But know this, no matter how last minute, no matter how cheap and crappy and thoughtless your gift, she will never push you out of her life.
And doesn’t that deserve a Bath & Body Works gift basket?
Now clearance priced at $9.99!
*This tier can also be accessed by Husbands and Boyfriends who have screwed up big time.