Human women are the most emotionally, mentally, and physically weak species on the planet. To overcompensate for past suppressions, they've been given the freedom to do anything and get away with it. Basically put, we have a shitstorm on our hands. I'm just saying, if you gave superpowers to an 80-pound college kid aiming to go pro, he wouldn't use them to excel within the ranks of NBA stardom.

Two hot girls and boy making a creepy face photobomb
And then there was rape. So much rape.

You see, women hate other people. Their thought processes are too convoluted with all the things wrong with who they are, and this competitive psychology effectively renders any equality between them and anyone else obsolete. Women hate men for paternal issues and the drive to feel relevant by fighting a battle long since concluded. Women hate other women because today's ideal of what a woman should be is a suffocating mess that propels such rivalry.

It's the insecurity and desire for everything not anchored to the floor that makes women generally restless, unhappy, and likely to fuck up your shit.Our civilized ways tell them that they need to be preening all the time, and their basic animal nature greenlights the idea because the world is governed by the hot pieces of snatch out there. The shallow principles of men have guided us to this point (yup, we'll take that one on the chin), but do today's women not have enough self-respect to abstain from destroying everything in their wake simply because they've been denied something they want at one particular moment in their lives?

If women wanted equality, they would give more blowjobs and help rid the world of war, famine, financial instability, and our own sense of doom over an impending mortality. But we're denied any of those outcomes for the perception of them being whores. Or, more accurately, for all the material possessions they could have were men to reach the point of tearing our hair out for sweet friction against the glans.

Dave in a seer sucker suit
Dave for president.
A friend of mine who you would call an old-age pensioner (if you wanted to find yourself picking teeth off the floor) has lived the life when it comes to women. When you're on a military salary, and bed well over a hundred women in your lifetime, you know a thing or two. One thing he has stood by to this day when talking about how he doesn't understand women (he's 73 now and dating a 30-year-old—I'm not making this shit up) is that back in the 60's and 70's, you could go out and be guaranteed to get laid. Women were more principled back then, more genuine, and they realized that if they started to rebel after we'd just given them their freedom, well then it'd be "back to the dungeons with you."

These days women feel justified in being dishonest and manipulative for the sake of squeezing the most out of the men fawning over them. It's a case of scrutinous selection processes and as much hoarding as possible before they get too old for someone to want to fuck them. Whatever happened to us being caring, considerate, funny, good with our hands, and creative, like having mad Photoshop skillz? Instead, once the knot is tied, they set to work changing who we are. It's the thought that "if you loved me…", "if you wanted me to be happy…", "you never grow up…", "you're thinking about your mother when we're having sex again, aren't you…" all equates to: "Gimme loadsa shit!"

Taj Mahal palace in India
This guy set the bar, the bastard.

In an age where beauty is increasingly seen as the peak of our genetic fitness instead of, erm, intelligence and stuff, women are feeling uglier as the demands thrust upon them become ever more unrealistic. Men have to become progressively more "appropriate" when statistically so many women are unsatisfied with their physique, not least of all the various traits of their genitalia we find so alluring.

Sarlacc pit from Star Wars movie
Nothing wrong here.

The one thing that'd make us infinitely happier in life is denied to us so that we cough up what makes women reach the same euphoria. Pussy is consequently becoming the new gold currency, a means for control in a world where men are being devalued so that women can feel more attractive. The two compartments to a woman's brain, "the attention I'm getting" and "the attention I want," are always at war to form a clusterfuck wrecking ball of demon nightmares that drains everything out of a man willing to endure.

It's the insecurity and desire for everything not anchored to the floor that makes women generally restless, unhappy, and likely to fuck up your shit. Men let them get away with it because suggesting to women that they're not the most equilibrated of individuals is to not fuck them.

That's why I urge you to fight fire with fire. Combat their vaginally-driven verbal outbursts by slapping them in the face with your dick. Not hard. That would be abusive. Just a gentle-to-moderate "BOOF!" across the mouth.

Woman after being boofed in the face
Boof aftermath.

Unfortunately, women are so incapable of standing up for what they believe in to the point of no longer being admired. Their contingency plan to having someone stand up to them will involve limiting conversations to those from whom they're guaranteed a backing. So it's all phony smiles and fake hellos until you're out of the room, out of earshot, out of state, and on a plane to an international destination, then…

Scary puppet from SAW movies
Let the games begin.

Being entitled to everything has taught them to be fickle with anything. What do women want? Let's implement the train of thought that nobody cares until they're certain themselves. Women can say whatever they want and alter it to coincide with whatever radically fluctuating emotional state they're experiencing at any given time.

Once a month they near reproductive fitness and begin to conspire towards mankind's downfall with thoughts of all those baby shower gifts, and as men we're being taught to bend to it. Women this dependent on reassurance and security run rampant due to their lack of understanding of what makes them tick.

What Women Want movie starring Mel Gibson
What do you mean not any more? OH HOW CON-VENIENT!

We should encourage them to mean what they say and do, or at least accommodate our misunderstanding of their behavior, without making us feel we're walking a psychological minefield. Today, there is an uncertain cross between rejecting the pussy and fiercely worshipping it, tailored to a pinball emotional spectrum. Any wrongfooting scores your brother's cock in her mouth and your victory prize a half-hearted handjob without spittle for lube.

Ladies, we think linearly: nothing's going to change, least of all spitting vinegar into our eyeballs then crying tears when we misunderstand a zigzag approach to a goal we could reach in half the time and none of the thought. Our linear misdemeanors can be broken down into that one moment of pure ecstasy we're endlessly trying to achieve. Here's a hint, it's not Sunday's game…

Yes, men think with their dicks, but when we're aroused, we think of nothing but where we'd like it to go. Women think just as much with their vaginas. Who is worthy enough to plough the field and who can stay awake long enough after ejaculation to hear about all the bills that haven't been paid. Women know that what lies in their panties is a psychological weapon more potent than Sarin gas.

John McCain sticks tongue out on stage
The effects are much the same.

Is a vagina really worth all the hassle? Allow me to provide the alternative: a shortcut to fucking every single woman in the room without having to commit. We already have a fairly good idea of what it looks like by her facial structure. I think the ears and cheeks represent the labia majora and minora, respectively, the nose the clitoral hood, the tip of the nose the clitoris (obviously), and the mouth the fleshpot (the bit we're interested in).

Want to know the trim job? Just take a look at the nape of her neck and say you're looking for a diamond necklace to accentuate the back of her ear lobes. Alternatively, you could say, "Diamond necklace! I want to see how your flesh pouch's fur lining will insulate my testicles." Any words after "diamond necklace" will become a jumble within the recesses of her braingasm.

Come on fella, you're going to lose all of your friends over what's essentially olive oil, warmed rice, a sock, some sticky-googly eyes, a plastic bag, an elastic band and an inability to look yourself in the mirror for a couple of days. And before you ask…

Sock puppet with googly eyes
This much love.

Love, respect, kindness, devotion, honesty—all earned. Encourage women to represent their gender appropriately as the thoughtful human beings they're supposed to be instead of the loud-mouthed idiots they've become. Their sex does not a good woman make. Yeah they're beautiful, but seems to me we're allowing them to vent hot air out of the pussy for flying higher and mightier than the rest of the world.