Humor writing published daily. Featured: Best of Year | Editors’ Picks | People’s Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
If room 237 needed to be checked-in on (as it always seemed to) but I wasn't really feelin' it, I just wouldn’t do it, and nobody ever got mad.
While I can't speak for aliens as a whole, Craxtavore, Conqueror of Worlds, is a total dick. I can't believe Mom doesn't see through his façade.
Finally, a list of felonies to perpetrate from your breakfast nook while wearing your snuggliest onesie. Let it snow, let it snow!
I have the world's best memory, so when I woke up this morning and couldn't find my car keys anywhere, I knew Crooked Hillary was to blame.
No, I'm not sure when my episodes will be aired. Like I said, you won't be able to watch any until they're filmed. Show business, am I right?
Remember, confusion is at the heart of everything we do here - we call it the Confusion Paradigm©. Without it, we are nothing.
Responding to someone's "thank you" with a "you're welcome" that's tailored to a particular individual? That's the essence of humanity.
Fitbitting, isn't like any of my previous sports - it's even more demanding. A real Fitbitter would see the opportunity in every inefficiency.
Not only might this backpack contain documents related to the fake Russia investigation, but it also has sentimental value.
You want something with a decidedly pleasing aroma and subtle flavors sure to attract the attention of your average mouse.
Hey, guess what? You just lost another friend on Facebook. And it wasn't an accidental click or a computer glitch either - it was you.
Exercising, befriending co-workers, and taking hostages are great ways to cheer yourself up in an otherwise dismal new year!