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Did you assume it was easy for all of us to bleach our hair two months after coming out? No. But we all did it. Every single one of us.
7. Michael Cohen calls his tailors with this phone. When ordering suits he tends to use the phrase “make someone notice me, please.”
As I picked up the box of cookies, I imagined a world where everyone thought it was okay to leave items they didn’t want anymore wherever they please.
We had a few incidents in which some misused their legally acquired, weaponized smallpox strains, but that's a small price to pay for freedom.
Dad Bod Mints: Like the popular “Thin Mints,” but thicker, and with a little bit of hair.
9. Vino Rosso (12-1) – Means "red wine" in Italian and "try-hard" in English.
And when you asked what this mysterious doppelgänger’s name was, your barber quickly said, “That? That’s, uh, Comb McScissors.”
One pound is equal to 7000 grains of barley. Yep, barley. Grains of wheat is a different calculation. And why 7000? Hey, it’s your system, don’t look at me.
I have communication issues? That's funny because in the eyes of the University of Illinois School of Communications, I am a master of communication.
Some of you have commented on social media asking, “Why are you an angry lesbian who’s trying to take a nice man’s place at the Congress? Also, fat.”
If a troll eats my head, how will I spread the message that wielding trolls is a God-given right?
Other topics conversation should focus on famous people you’ve worked with or in relative proximity to, and how long it took to get to the meeting.