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When she says she'll study “lesbian themes in Dickinson,” raise your eyebrows to remind her “your brother studied computer science and has a 401K.”
Our ailing bodies fall from the sky into your front yard and all you can muster is an idle comment about the beauty of our chlorophyll jaundice.
The worst part was that a local news team ran a story that the reason my mom picked me up was because I was scared.
Section 3: Foreplay: All types of textual foreplay is permitted, such as feeling really guilty when asking for feedback on their TV pilot.
Twenty-first Amendment (Abolition of Prohibition) This former frat-bro is a highly functioning alcoholic. Currently a member of the federal judiciary.
“What’s the deal with @Massasoit contradicting himself everytime he mentions me in a tweet or talks to the press?”
Can I just say that this is hands down (speaking of hands, I’ve got two of ‘em) my favorite Thanksgiving to date?
Yum, I hope that unfiltered tap water and internalized judgement from your mother tastes great!
You made it: to Southern Iowa, in an auction hall with chewing tobacco at each table, 25 second cousins running around in their cowboy boots.
Give a TED talk to my family titled "The Evolution of My Personal Blogs," except every time I would usually say “blog” I have to say “blerg.”
To symbolize the risks one takes when they pledge loyalty based only on shared blood, one small razor blade will be hidden in the macaroni scramble.
This guy did not go to our high school. Who is this guy? Does anyone know who he is? He’s not someone’s spouse is he? Is he from our hometown though?