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Doctors have diagnosed me with “early onset droopy ass syndrome,” contracted from getting your butt whooped too many times and is also irreversible
Looking for your perfect man? Try wandering around in the pouring rain, pretending you’re a beautiful lost tourist in need of directions.
Non-Metal Recyclable Straws: Metal won't cut it for us because it is prone to rust! So, we have created a straw made from bricks. Can brick rust?
The name starts with an A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N---yes, I see you nodded in agreement---I mean my psychic premonitions confirmed it.
We could utilize the approaching inferno and cook acres of lip-smacking omelette and turn it into an egg-themed pleasure park!
Visual Processing (1/20th of a Second): Jeff Bezos will register a piece of visual information, sending it up the ocular pathway to the brain.
You can Airbnb your crib to other infants and sleep in your playpen. Make sure to charge them for the blanket, the mobile, and the cleaning fee.
2. At your nephew’s bar mitzvah, Rupert “reluctantly” agrees to sing “Escape (the Piña Colada Song)” for the guests. What describes what happens next:
"West World" This title could not be more vague. West? World? You’ve lost me. Improved Title: "Beep Boop Yeehaw"
Lìllèbaby? Big Freedia? Baby Tear$? Is it a French rapper? Or a needlessly complicated baby carrier?
Honestly, rediscovering Instagram after dying and reanimating as the insatiable undead has really put me in touch with my humanity again.
I hadn’t worked a case in a month and was hitting the sauce hard. It’s a gloopy brown sauce from a can of beef chunks--part of yesterday’s breakfast.