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After beating that mutant horde, do you remember how we just couldn't go any further and decided to picnic atop the fallen corpses of our enemies?
How do you rate your performance? Your Answer: This place would crumble without me. Work Appropriate Answer: I have the utmost confidence in myself.
You’re probably taking a hard look at yourself, reeling with guilt at the thought of all the poor, innocent, mother mosquitos you’ve smooshed.
The Donner Party was a journey unlike any other in history. The best part is, they did the whole thing without fake crying or vlogging once.
Research the Community Parking Regulations: Beverly Hightower, the girl you’ve been in love with since sophomore year, is sitting on your train.
“You see what you did?” Cap’n Crunch said, frowning at Tony, “You just had to roar. Whatever happened to civility in this country?”
When you die, it won’t likely be a bunch of vultures or a serial killer who see you last. It will be me, your friendly neighborhood mortician.
Wondered what it would be like to get directions from that one friend who’s confident they know where you’re going but “could be a few blocks off”?
Suddenly, I recall a woman—lovely, virile—a gal very active for her age. Did we meet in a bookstore? Or was it an antique shop?
“I served two tours in Afghanistan,” one woman said, “and I just thank God I never experienced anything like the horror you’re describing.”
“Sufganiyot” might be a traditional treat, but it’s hard to pronounce, and makes you seem like you’re plotting an overthrow of American jelly donuts.
“FIFTY PERCENT OFF ALL CDS” the dusty words said, in a manic scrawl. “EVERYTHING MUST GO!” Frankie backed away in horror. What was a CD?!