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Bereft Muskrat: “Too hopeful.” “Muskrats evoke something too adorable to be considered appropriate for 2019, even if they are bereft.”
Feel free to thumb through the 3,500-page book, "Extreme Survival Scenarios," which is now required reading. Feel free to hang out by the buffet.
Oh, this is one of our newest and my personal favorite lines: rings made from melted-down scooter wheels
Skylark Diner sucks you in like a black hole and you can't even see the Texas-size soup dumplings over at Xiao Lone Star Bao.
Your emotional stability is hanging by a thread? Well, so is the Dow Jones Industrial Average, baby!
Marlon Brando famously wore this style of jacket in "The Wild One," but he was later jailed for being deemed “too sexy” and died in prison.
I can’t get any sleep. Everywhere I go in my apartment the ghost follows me and keeps saying, “Remember the part…” and “What about when…”
I am a strong, independent, intraplate earthquake with good near-field vertical ground motions. I don’t need a bunch of tools telling me my worth.
Sip a Mai Tai every time you fantasize about escaping to a beach somewhere where the alt-right will never find you.
After the kids are asleep and your partner has put the Kindle aside, remark on the lack of sexual activity between the two of you. Your partner yawns.
Every year there’s an escalation of more and more extreme Purge spectacles. And honest, hard-working citizens just can’t keep up.
I don’t have to worry about sun protection because we are not even sure the sun exists anymore.