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Now that I’ve got maximum hold of the floss, I will dig it into your gums so hard that your teeth feel loose.
Did you see my tweet from this morning saying I take everyone’s concerns seriously, accompanied by a gif from The Office?
Since Pink Eye is usually thought of as a children’s illness, there is a level of grossness that comes with admitting you have it.
And if you find any let me know. Maybe write down anything you do find and make a note of where it was. Try to be thorough though.
Worried I might embark on a border-spanning bloody warpath? You think I have that many air miles saved up?
I’ve delayed trains for hours at a time just to let couples wet each other’s face holes before departure.
THE BOSS: This is your BOSS. It’s in all caps, because he (it’s a man, always a man) wants you to be clear that he is your BOSS.
While threats from Panini Whore and other provocatively-named franchises in the region are growing, the Burger Slut position remains strong.
Everybody knows that Paris and accordion music go together like baguettes and butter, cheese and wine, waiters and rudeness.
The Owner of My Once-Beloved Bodega: He’ll call her Boss in the same velvety tone that once stilled my heart.
For one of the times when I said exhale, I meant inhale. I did not mean to instruct you to do double exhales.
The most important qualities a man can have are leadership, integrity, and enough forearm strength to pull himself over an 8-foot ledge.