By Johnnie MacKenzie

A few months ago, three friends and I went to a university house party. Naturally, we were all drunk as fuck and praying that the party would be full of hot, bikini-wearing, bisexual super-models, but we couldn’t have been more wrong. It was an absolute sausage fest. For every ten guys there was one girl, and by girl I mean “hideous toad-like swamp creature.” The party was in the bottom level of a two-story house, kind of like a bomb-shelter-type place, only that was the only room you actually wanted to escape. Luckily, there was a courtyard area outside this crap-hole where there wasn’t any penis. So we made our way past the wilder-beast girls and 400 horny guys and headed to the courtyard to smoke some green.

Five minutes later the host of the party came outside to greet us with a warning: “Whatever you guys do, do not go upstairs. My 18-year-old sister and her friends are having a party and she doesn’t want any sleazy guys hitting on them.” Pretty much the dumbest thing he could have ever said, as the only words we heard were “18-year-old sister,” “her friends,” and “party.”

As soon as he left we started throwing stones, garden tools, a broom and other garden tools up to the windows of the top lounge to try and grab these girls attention so they would hopefully come outside and talk to/have sex with us. After nearly smashing one window, a blonde girl opened up the sliding door and we somehow convinced her and her friends to come down to the courtyard and party with us. Four girls stumbled down from upstairs, absolutely smashed. Two girls of them were decent and one was absolutely stunning—I won’t mention the other one for obvious reasons.

After an hour of trying to get into the pants of the “decent” girl, her other friends from upstairs came down and said they had to leave as it was getting late (they were only 17-18 years old after all). Now it was just us boys and one super hot chick left. I turned to talk to my friend Pat who was chatting to the hottie, a petite Asian chick with ridiculously massive tits who resembled the Korean girl from Lost. I don’t normally like Asian girls, but this one was a solid 9/10 (most likely due to the size of her melons).

It looked like things were going fairly well for Pat, then WHAM! Suddenly the chick got all freaky and started dry humping Pat in front of us! They were both going hard and because I was so stoned, I decided it would be a great idea to take control of the situation by acting like a porn director sitting on my deck chair. The next thing I remember I was announcing shit like, “Pat, put your right hand on her left tit” and “Squeeze her nipples a little harder.” To everyone’s disbelief, he started doing everything I was saying and she was LOVING it!! Unbelievable!! I thought this shit was only in the movies.

Then, next thing I know, she flops her tits out of her top and Pat was all over them like a wild animal attacking a small child! Jesus, how much better could this get?!

The answer? A whole lot better!

After another five minutes of amateur porn directing, they surprised me by jumping up and running inside to find the nearest bedroom to throw each other around in. Being great friends of Pat’s, we felt obligated to follow them and watch him smash her box. On our travels back through the bomb-shelter lounge to the bedroom, we couldn’t help but invite everyone at the party to come watch our friend exchange uglies with some random chick.

By the time we got to the bedroom door, thirty or so of us were crowded around. I slowly opened it up, and there she was, riding on top of him like a cowgirl breaking in a wild bronco, fully exposed, giving us all the best view we could have ever hoped for. Some fuckwit then decided it would be a great idea to turn on the light for a better view. I didn’t stay mad for long because it turned out she didn’t even seem to care! Now we now had full illumination of her nakedness, as she continued going hard and screaming like a possessed banshee, somehow oblivious to us perverts high-fiving each other in the doorway. The mesmerized audience lasted a few more minutes before we got abused by Pat, so we left him to finish her off.

So, the moral of this story? Sometimes all it takes to turn a giant cock assembly around is one really freaky chick. You just have to find the one porn director she’ll respond to!

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