Sometimes a party is just so keen and super fun, you need to tell everyone what a good time you're having. What most people don't realize is that there is a code of conduct for showing your joy.

So, how do I let everyone know how much fun I'm having?

Slow down, there, Turbo! There are different methods for different parties! Let me "break it down," as they say on the streets!

There are four different kinds of parties:

1. Lame 🙁 

Lame parties are about as fun as a nap. There are usually only about six men there and no ladies. Hopefully you won't have intercourse.

2. Lukewarm.

Lukewarm parties are only marginally fun. They're like eating microwave bacon. Your brain tells you that you like it, but your mouth knows you might as well be eating salted dung. There is usually only one lady at a lukewarm party, and she is probably either fat, ugly, or religious. You may not even have intercourse.

3. Pretty Neat!

These parties are not bad! There are pretty super people there and there are at least five or six ladies. You can get tipsy at this party just for fun, instead of doing it so you can have fun. You may even have intercourse, and the lady may not have hairy teeth!

4. Keen!!

These parties are the bee's knees!! There are lots of super people and when lame people come, they get punched!! There are lots of ladies and they are all attractive and probably loose!! You will probably have intercourse!!

Now that I've given you the go-around, let's talk about how to show your appreciation for a party.

HATING THIS PARTY
These are ways to show that this party is lame 🙁 

1. Drinking the beer 🙁 If you drink enough, you might think you're not depressed about the party.

2. Stealing 🙁 Take things that are expensive.

3. Leaving 🙁 Go out the door.

ALMOST ENJOYING THIS PARTY
These are ways to show that a party is lukewarm.

1. Drinking the beer. If you drink enough, you may think the crazy, lumpy lady is attractive.

2. Eating. Why should you eat your own food? This party is lukewarm.

3. Breaking the stove. Makes breakfast hard to make.

4. Leaving. Go out the door.

ENJOYING THIS PARTY
These are ways to show that this party is pretty neat!

1. Drinking the beer! Try smiling and talking as you do this!

2. Chipping in for pizza! Hey, we are a community of fun-loving individuals here!

3. Yelling a little! It's okay to be a little loud, you're having a blast!

4. Having intercourse! Lets everyone know you're not only having a good time, but you're not gay!

5. Leaving! Leave when everyone else starts leaving, instead of at 11:30!

LOVING THIS PARTY
These are ways to show that this party is keen!!

1. Drinking the beer!! Lets everyone know you are also in college!!

2. Yelling a lot!! The louder you are, and the more racially charged your remarks are, the more fun you're having!!

3. Breaking the stove!! Lets everyone know you are wild and untamed!!

4. Nudity!! Shows everyone you are very comfortable with yourself and not gay!!

5. Eating!! Lets everyone know you are too cool to care about the hosts' food!!

6. Having intercourse!! Lets everyone know you're better than them and definitely not gay!!

7. Pretending not to be nervous if black people are there!! Shows everyone you are tough!!

8. Puking!! Lets everyone know you are definitely "in the zone!!" The more furniture and carpet you cover, the more fun you're having!! Don't offer to help clean up!!

9. Breaking the toilet!! Making the toilet flood is just the first step to a super fun waterslide!!

10. More intercourse!! Pass out during it!! If you puke again, you're really having a good time!!

11. Not leaving!! No one wants you to, so don't!! Yell more!!

This is the universal code for showing your feelings about a party. I hope this helps you in your bright future. Happy partying!

Join upcoming November classes in Satire Writing, Sketch Writing, and Stand-Up Joke Writing.