Michael Sisto personally knows someone named Russel Watkins at University of San Francisco who's better known as Russell the Love Muscle because he's the sleaziest sleaze of the seven seas.

Michael Sisto once met a person named Andres Biedrins at University of San Francisco who's better known as The Latvian Legislature because he's very Latvian and he legislates in the paint on the basketball court.

Michael Sisto personally knows someone named Steve Milkwater at University of San Francisco who's better known as Slip It In Steve because he accidentally had sex with Elizabeth Terwiliger while she was passed out on the couch at Ashley Serna's house party.

Tatyana personally knows someone named Ryan at University of Chicago who's better known as Hicks because there were originally two Ryans in our group of friends. One day in 10th grade, Ryan Bernard (aka "Hicks") came to school with several hickies on his neck and other parts of his body. We began referring to his as "The Hicks" but shortened it to just "Hicks" because we are quite lazy.

Mattay Brittacy has a boyfriend named Alex at New Jersey City University who's better known as Ass-lix because he's an ass and he had the dirtiest mouth and is just the worse person to be in public with. I caught him hocking a lugey on the floor one day!

Adrienne Sloane-Brooks personally knows someone named Robert Daughtry at University of Missouri - St. Louis who's better known as Tannn because he is currently our only African American friend. A friend of mine who is neither racially conscious, nor does he care, nicknamed him Tannn. TANNN is actually an acronym for "Token Ass Nigga Nigga Nigga." I do not endorse this nickname, however Rob now also refers to him as Tannn.

David personally knows someone named David at Other who's better known as Bonbie because when he was a kid he was known as Bones because he was quite skinny. After he became an adult, someone (not exactly sure who) kinda changed it over to Bonbie (pronounced "bone-bee"). It caught on with close friends and family.

Fairy Big Chip has a friend who knows a person named Gary W. at Other who's better known as Flyspray because he had a premature ejaculation problem every time he brushed up against a girl.

Wayne Rogers has a friend who knows a person named Mitch at Utica College who's better known as Slice because he regularly wears outfits that would make Elton John and Fonzie both jealous. He's also fairly open about his sexual orientation towards his close friends. He was given the nickname "Slice," after a popular non-carbonated beverage available on campus that was advertised as "Contains 10% Real Fruit Juice."

Scott Winter personally knows someone named Patrick Moleneaux at Saint Edwards University who's better known as Piss Pantsless Patrick because he always ended up without his pants when he was drunk because he was scared he would piss on them while drinking.

David Nelson personally knows someone named Jon at York University who's better known as Jonny Floorchicken because in a stoned haze, he likes to sit on the floor, pulling pieces off a greasy whole roasted chicken, while playing video games.

Josh personally knows someone named Nicholas Gaudio at West Virginia University who's better known as Bitch Guido because he was wearing a teal button-up shirt that allowed a significant amount of chesthair to waft in the late summer breeze, and Josh was high at the time.

Joe personally knows someone named Kyle Shea at Plymouth State College who's better known as Wrong Way Shea because on his first time going down on a girl...he went for the back end.

Greta Glaser once met a person named William at College of William and Mary who's better known as Wireless Will because he is so out of touch with humanity he had to be banned from the all-girls dorm when he followed one too many girls home at night.

C. Ripple personally knows someone named Adam at University of Akron who's better known as Crazy McFacebook because he constantly attempts to seduce women he knows solely through Facebook. Why can't he just pick up a drunk broad at a bar/party like the rest of us, sheesh!?!