The barista at Caribou Coffee says “soy latte for Morgan” and a young man and a young woman, both named Morgan, say “that’s mine” at the exact same time. They stare into each other’s eyes and an unspoken attraction forms from their random, chance encounter. Morgan and Morgan both go to grab the latte but they cannot because their barista has been dead for the past sixteen years.

Darren and Elizabeth are two hard-working, single lawyers in Manhattan. They never have time for love because they’re always working. One day in the courthouse, they accidentally run into each other and spill their papers everywhere. Darren helps Elizabeth get to her feet and they laugh nervously. But then Darren, who is a ghost, begins to float upwards because, in helping Elizabeth, he has finally committed a good deed on Earth. He ascends to heaven. Elizabeth is not a ghost and she remains in the courthouse alone.

Jason and Roger are in the Chicago Public Library, reading books at adjacent tables. Roger is an architect who dreams of building Chicago’s next big skyscraper. Jason is a video game developer who just got out of a long-distance relationship. Jason sees that Roger is alone in the library and asks “what are you reading?” “Just my favorite book” replies Roger, coyly. Jason looks at the book and notices that it is bound in the leathery skin of the eternally damned. The Necronomicon. The hellish tome calls to him in an ethereal wail and he is drawn to it like a moth to a flame. Roger smiles wide as Jason’s soul is irreparably tarnished.

RELATED:  4 Reasons “Nine Lives” is the Craziest Movie Nobody is Watching

During a perfectly ordinary seance, mild-mannered occultist Deke Mansville accidentally conjures the spirit of a young 1920’s ingénue named Janie Specterghoul who died under mysterious circumstances. They go on a few dates, but they just don’t click.

Penelope Bridgetemple is a young, 22-year-old graduate student, living alone in a big city. She is at Best Buy, looking for a new TV. Suddenly Rick Mappleweather, a handsome 23-year-old stock boy with dreams of becoming a musician bumps into her. They laugh politely, look into each other’s eyes, and then smile. Then a ghost passes through the TV and changes the channel, causing it to play that episode from 2 Broke Girls where Max and Caroline have to find Sophie’s wedding dress before she gets married. “Ugh. I hate this episode,” says Rick scornfully, not knowing that it is Penelope’s favorite episode. Their relationship ends before it even begins.

Janine McKelvey has been possessed by the ghost of her grandmother, Agatha McKelvey, who died before she had the chance to reconnect with Nelson Fordham, her childhood sweetheart. Agatha (in the body of Janine) searches desperately, but she cannot find her dear Nelson. Distraught, Agatha gets on a bus that will return her to the graveyard where her original body was buried. But, right as she is about to give up hope forever, an elderly man taps her on the shoulder and asks “is this seat taken?” The man is Nelson Fordham! Unfortunately, Nelson has also been possessed by the ghost of his grandmother and, as such, does not recognize the woman s/he is sitting next to. This mix-up is never resolved.

RELATED:  Melania Hates Me, But at Least I Still Have the Support of the American People

Clarence Hoffman is a young doctor who is haunted by the psychological ghosts of his past. On an unrelated note, he is also surrounded by thousands upon thousands of regular ghosts who obscure his vision and taunt him with inscrutable phrases that only he can decypher. Melissa Everton is also a doctor. She sits next to Clarence on the train and says “hey.”  “Drink the well water, Clarence” scream the thousands upon thousands of ghosts that only Clarence Hoffman can see and hear and understand. He does not hear Melissa. He does not see her through the ocean of ghosts that perpetually surround him. He stares blankly ahead as the train powers forward. Melissa gets off the train and never sees Clarence again. No one sees Clarence again.

READ NEXT: