How to Get the Most Out of a Massage Parlor Visit

Every Asian massage should have a happy ending.

We've all been there: you find yourself driving by a certain part of town when you see the sign for a "Massage Parlor" or "Asian Spa" in a spot that doesn't obligate a massage parlor or have a single Asian person living nearby, and using your Russell-Crowe-like mind you cracked this code and read the sign as it was intended to be read: "Handjobs ‘R Us."

Asian girl in massage parlor window

Instantly your mind is flooded with thoughts: "How much would this sort of thing cost me?" "What do I get?" "Is this illegal?" "Are they all Asian?" You end up putting the thought in the back of your brain where all unlikely sexual scenarios go—until one day...

Maybe you broke up with your girlfriend, maybe you just got paid, or maybe your internet is down, but you find your mind wandering to the thought of the parlor. You decide to walk in... you know... just to research it, and find yourself instantly lost: What do I do? Where do I go? Why are there stains in the lobby?

Fortunately for you, I have researched this subject and can now confidently tell you the proper way to go about getting wanked off.

1. Dress the Part

Naked massage at Asian massage parlor

First of all, avoid a police outfit. You may think it's funny, but the girls certainly won't. You're going to want to wear something that walks the line between "I just stumbled in here" and "I'm prepared to whip out my penis immediately." Shorts and a t-shirt are preferred because they can be taken on and off easily. Button up shirts should be avoided because putting them on while you're absorbed by overwhelming guilt is difficult, and you're likely to miss a button.

As opposed to all those PUBLIC baths we're forced to take, living in Ancient Rome and all.Try not to show off and wear your best clothes because a) You're dealing with whores who don't really care, and b) These types of establishments rarely splurge on luxuries like hooks and hangers for you to store your wardrobe.

Underwear choice is also important. Wear loose-fitting boxers that you won't be embarrassed being seen in (avoid silk, you don't want to look trashier than your "date").

Inner Voice: Alright let's do this, we're getting a rub and tug! Woo!
Penis: Yay!
Inner Voice: Alright so what do we wear? Is this like a formal date?
Penis: Who cares, it's all going on the floor. Know why? Because someone is gonna touch me today!!

2. The New Guy

Oriental massage parlor and spa
Find an Asian spa near you.

Picture a wild animal walking into a rave—that's your inspiration for the entire time you're at the parlor. Look around aimlessly—the walls, the ceiling, the floor, anything but the girls working. When you're finally approached and asked if you want a massage, you should simply grunt, nod your head, and continue to look around.

Sometimes you'll be asked if you have ever been to a massage parlor before, in which case you should say no and don't really know how this works. You will be asked how long you want the massage to be, and the secret here is to be as frugal as possible. Pick the lowest price, because that's just the money that goes to the owner (pimp); the girls make money from tips. Don't try to be suggestive at this point, because you're just going to come off looking like an idiot, and God forbid the escort doesn't respect you. When the girl leads you to the room, she'll tell you she needs to go get ready and you should undress and lay down. Take off everything except your boxers and lay face-down and wait for the girl to come back.

Inner Voice: Wow, this place is disgusting, why is the air so damp? Do I want to know?
Penis: Alright, I see ladies. Lots of cleavage too, I'm getting up for this.
Inner Voice: Cool it, act nonchalant, we're being approached.
Whore: Hey there, are you interested in a massage?
You: Um...yeah sure. I'll just take the half hour massage, what does that include?
Whore: It includes a massage...that's all we do here, is give massages.
Penis: Giggidy!

3. You Do What Here?!

Asian massage woman at a parlor 

This is the most important part of the procedure. When the girl walks in, you should be relaxed; the fact that you're face down should hide your raging erection caused by the low-cut top she is wearing. As she starts giving you the most half-assed back massage ever, start the small talk with her. Talk about where she's from, where you're from, really anything other than her milking your cock. Brownie points if you tell her to really "get in deep on the shoulders" because of your pickup basketball mishap.

By the time she finishes your rubdown you should be comfortable with her in a masseuse/client type of way. When she hints at the mention of a handjob, do your best "deer-in-a-rave" impression again; scrunch your brow, look around aimlessly, shift in one place, and try to look as uncomfortable as possible. She should pick up on the fact that you really are a rookie at this and will go about explaining the price to you. When she does, look around like you want to leave (start putting on your t-shirt for dramatic effect) and mention something about only having $20. Then watch the magic happen.

Whore: *Random small talk you don't need to listen to*
Penis: When does she touch me?
Inner Voice: Good question, I'm getting tired of listening to her talk about her haircut.
Whore: So, do you want me to touch...down there?
Penis: Jackpot!
You: didn't only have like, $20.

4. Fuck It, I'm Here Anyway

Massage lotions Chinese
Skip the lotions assuredly made in China.

Ask her to give you a verbal menu, how much everything costs and what you get. You should lament the fact that you only have $20 but since you're here anyway you'll take what you can get. At this point she'll either encourage you to get more money or simply do the job right there because of the rapport you guys have built up.

Most likely, though, she'll want more money. Tell her you're broke and make up another story about how your pet just died or you just sent all of your money to a Nigerian prince. If this fails immediately make sure you display the twenty dollar bill. Escorts aren't like normal humans because their senses are trained to recognize the sight and smell of money and they become physically stimulated by it, causing them to throw caution to the wind. In short, it's like fucking opium to them.

She'll succumb eventually and will begin to work her magic. If she's truly pissed you're not giving her more than $20 then prepare for a standard (if magical) wank. If she doesn't mind the pay cut, you may be able to talk her into taking off her top, allowing you to fondle her while she fondles you. It's a win-win! If she gives you the option of lotion or no lotion, choose no lotion—that way you get the most for your money, plus you won't need to worry about her using some knock-off lead-based lotion straight out of China that's going to make your dick explode into hives after twenty minutes.

You: So how much is this going to cost?
Whore: Well it's $40 if you want a handjob and $80 for a blowjob.
You: I really only have the $20 so what are my options?

Scenario 1

Whore: Alright well I guess I can make an exception, just because you're cute.
Penis: Wooooooooooooooooo!!!!

Scenario 2

Whore: Well there's an ATM in the lobby.
You: I know, but this was my last $60. See I got this email that told me that a Nigerian king recently died and his son needed my bank account information to move a few million around. For some reason when I checked my account, everything was cleaned out, but I think it's just temporary. Point is, I don't have any money.
Whore: Your story sounds believable and I will proceed to touch your junk.
Penis: Wooooooooooooooooo!!!!

5. Awkward Aftermath

After you're done she'll most likely throw some paper towels your way and tell you to clean up. Do this quickly and get dressed as if you were a firefighter rushing for a five-alarm blaze after being awoken at 2am. Try to ignore the waves of guilt washing over your body as you do this. A standard "thank you" is appreciated but not compulsory, seeing as how you'll never visit this place again. Walk/sprint out of the parlor while keeping your eyes to the ground and your shoulders square (in case someone gets in your way) and proceed to your car. Feel free to sit in your vehicle for a few minutes to sob quietly to yourself about what your life has become.

Penis: That was fantastic, we should get a membership there or something.
Inner Voice: I...what have I done, oh my god. Why?
Penis: Giggidy.

Happy ending!

Caution: This guide will work 83% of the time, depending on how upscale the venue is and how many girls are working.

More from PIC:

As soon as I read the column title, I knew you must be from Barrie. Good job!

Carney's picture

I've never been to one of these, but after reading this I'm ready to try hahaha :)

Not to be a downer but most of the Asian massage parlors are linked to organized crime, and many of the girls are trafficked sex slaves.

Actually, I very well meant it to be a downer. Hope you enjoyed your 20 dollar hand job. The girl didn't get to keep any of it because she has to "pay off the debt she incurred when she was brought here" and her pimp probably broke her jaw for not bringing in enough.

Douche bag, if you're gonna go to a whore house at least make sure the girls there are nationals. At least then you know they haven't had their passports forcibly taken from them.

And Barrie Ontario is a white trash shit hole.

I'm sure he didn't mean to offend your family

Court Sullivan's picture

seriously, i talked with your sister the other day and she said she was glad she did what she had to do, and now she has feelings for me. AWWKKKKWAAAAARDD

You quiet!
Or else I teach you sister lesson tonight!
Smack Smack

who gives a fuck if they are national or not? the only point of this article is to help rookies get a hand job or a hummer from an asian whore.

Don't be such a holier than though sperm burper!!

One quick question are you mad because we all like pussy and you like the cock?

Yes I agree, you are a downer. If you prefer to live your life a certain way by all means do it, but this is how they prefer to live this is what they do, take your soap box and the proverbial "broom" you rode in on and mind your business. Who made you the morality police? These "adults" know what they are getting into, they(we) will eventually reap what they(we) sow, move on.

...that is what makes is soooo good!

You people Don't Know what the Fuck you are Talking About,,,,,,,,,You Guys Love it,,,And you Keep going Back for MORE,,,,,,,Ha Ha Ha ,,,,,,,,,People in Amercai are Rebots,,,,,Stupid ,,,

Yaro Shepherd's picture

If it's any consolation, I tipped her with a $5

Your such a loser ! Tipping her 5.00? All you guys that come into these places are manwhores who cant get a hot girl to look at them! We laugh and look at you as losers! Its like taking candy from a baby! I start at 100.00 and up for a hj but then again I am a hot blonde!

ur a hot blonde yet blondes are dumb there for u would have done it for $20..

You are obviously dumb too, as you spelled therefore there for ...just saying

its a hand job, and blondes are a dime a dozen, if you were in the same room with me and the asian chick it would piss you off to see me give her the hundred dollars just because she is asian

does your shitty attitude and crappy technique cost extra?

But then again, she is a CLASSY whore....

A handjob at a parlor? The two just don't seem synonymous...

So has anyone tested this yet? Does it work?

Dude, you've just announced to the world that you can't have sex with a woman unless she's a hooker. ROFLMAO!!

That line,"What has my life come to?". Yeah. You're gonna be saying that A LOT in your life.

The truth might hurt, but that one poster was right: your money just supported a violent, dark, cruel industry. Wow. I never thought the stereotype about "Barrieville" was true, but I guess it is...nuttin' but white trash...

Yeah I totally got jacked off. 1st she gave me a rub down then got on her knees a licked me from the head to balls then deep throated and asked if I wanted a happier ending and she sat in my lap and it was complete bliss. I still have her number if anyone wants it. Its 617-861-3962 hope you all enjoy.

where is she at like location

All that for $20 bucks?
Hell yeah I'm calling

What's they phone number

Hellz yeah. I just got a hand job at a massage parlor. It rocked. I wont get a blow job or fuck any of those whores. It was a quality massage, and a nice cock rub. I even got to feel her up (I didnt reach into her clothes. who the hell knows what is in there)

Be safe guys. Hand jobs are fun. But, leave the real whoring alone. It will just hurt you in the end.

Damn you people are fucking ignorant. Aware is right, doing this only promotes the fucked up industry of sex slavery, and of course none of you douchebags could give a fuck less. Yes, I am going to say the cliche shit here. What if that was your mother or sister? Would it still be such a joke to you fucking idiots? Those women are mothers and sisters, promised a better life, then beaten, raped, and forced to fuck you idiots, for free. It may cost you a few bucks, but they get none of it. I'm also sure that your little winkies aren't even worthwhile enough for them to even attempt to enjoy you raping them. Not rape you say? Remember while you are a willing participant in this, they only do it to keep the pimps from killing them or their families. People's lives are ruined every day over this shit, and of course a bunch of chachi douchebags couldn't care less, probably because they are small minded chachi douchebags with I.Q.'s lower than 80 that aren't smart enough to get a woman in bed without having to pay first or drop a rufie in their drinks. Have fun douchebags, I hope you all die of AIDS and/or other horrible deaths, you pieces of shit!

By your reply and irritation you must be a woman. No man would ever get so worked up about fucking a whore. Besides, how do you know what the percentages are and their motivations for being there? I have fucked several of those women and I can tell you that they know their business a whole lot better than you non talented American cunts.

You are an ignorant fuck. "Who cares about fucking a whore"?? Are you retarded??? Those WOMEN had lives and families and were brought here by the promise of a new life and better wages. Yet they are trapped and beaten into a life of prostitution. And by ripping them off you are risking their lives! Go do your fucking research. The only type of people that wouldn't care are ignorant assholes such as yourself. You are a disgrace.

Not to mention the fact that you "have fucked several of those women" makes you a fucking CREEP. No one would EVER want to get with you that's why you are a desperate mother fucker and have to pay sex slaves to get off. You are a sad sad excuse for a man.

Yes, you uptight Canadian woman, its time you understand how the real world works. Besides young men too lazy too try to pick up an irritating local woman, who makes him spend more on her than any whore and have silly discussions over dinner offering a glimmer of hope that he might get laid at some inconvenient time, by a woman who doesn't know what she's doing. There are also married men, yes, I said it, married men!! Oh my.. married men are the majority of the 'losers' who go into these places because their wives basically cannot satisfy them and never touch them except on birthdays and anniversarys. These married men prefer to not have to find mistresses as these have higher risk and cost much more to keep.
Prostitution in all forms is necessary and exists everywhere. This notion that all whores are sex slaves is nonsense that you Canadian uptight women tell yourselves to make yourselves feel better, instead take a blowjob course and take care of your men EVERYDAY.

If I were king, I would have a harem of whores... yum yum.

how do you know who they are , maybe they came here on thier own, chasing the american dream, rented a building and is supplying a demand. maybe if you released some bodily fluid type stress you would not be such an uptight stickler.

Birr, I think your obvious fucking attitude might be the reason some people pay for sex. I've never properly met you, but I'd pay hundreds of bucks not to spend an evening with you.

Massage Parlors are great! If you want to find out what other people are ACTUALLY doing in them, you can find all the Locations, Pics, Prices and unedited reviews of massage parlors in your town!

I have a question for the Tree hugging Bible thumpers that posted.

What will the handlers do with these girls if they DON"T bring any money in if they are in fact being run by organized crime? Hmmm.......?


I foudn this website mall9 that has all the listings, and these are like verified photos of legitimate hookers some of them college girls working for part time money.

The guy who wrote this article has obviously never even been to a massage parlor. Leave your boxers on? Talk about prices? Are you nuts?
And then the best part is when you say we clean up the aftermath. She will take care of all of that you fool. Im telling you this guy wrote this article and has never been to a massage parlor and giving horrible advice.

Throughout the entire article he's pretending to be a newbie to the whole setup, and acts 'painfully surprised' when he 'realizes' that it's not just for the massage. Did you read anything past the first line, you idiot?

Fucking hilarious. You're talented writer, man.

wow, some people are dumb who cares if there fucking sex slaves if i dont go and get a rub and tug someone else will by me not going im not stopping anything so i say go ahead and go have a good time

Love Da article... Ur funny as Hell!!

I just found out my mom works in one of these parlors. It makes me feel sick to my stomach that guys can talk about these people like they are whores. They have their reasons for doing this and in my case, its to raise my family because college money isn't cheap. I can't believe there are pigs who go in and get these things done then rate these women.

Workin in the family business, eh? If you're sickened by how men react to this then why the hell are you still doin it? Why can't you get a normal job? Some people are so goddamn lazy. You make me sick...

I think you missed the sarcasm in this one, dude.

there is an easier way than playing stupid. Make sure when you lie on your stomach that you are pointing down and keep your legs apart so when she rubs your legs it's right there. she will take care of your member and ask for the tip later on before you leave. just make sure you don't have anything but a $20 bill. leave you wllet at home.

Ok first of all the massage parlours with under achiving canadian girls are much more fun than the asian ones. Im sure the canadian girls are your usuall whores who are making money from jurking dudes...the asian ones are prob taken from china and forced to work...most of the asians are not hot and most of the canadian girls are decent either way it dose the job. The guy is right the guilt of shit did i just waste 100 bucks on this is overwhelming

usually you get fucked for $100 tip in PA. You know it's good when they bathe you first, and scrub your asshole.

This is a Man ,,,That Enjoys going to Asian Massage Polars,,,,,Thay are great to Have ,,,,Release,,,,Stress,,,,,Better then going to the Bars,,,,Better then Dating ,,,,,,If Fight with your Girlfriend this is the Place to Go,,,,,,,,

I have been to every massage parlor in town, I get butt naked, tell them what Im paying and do my deed to society! I think its great that we have rub and tugs. I took my girlfriend once and she got jacked off by an asian broad, she loved it! Only in America!!

Some of you guys are priceless. I know a few Korean girls who work these places and they are far from slaves. They decide if they want to work or not. Hell, I went to dinner the other night with one I got to know and she told me she came over on a visa and is now over-stayed. Noone forced her to do shit. Matter of fact she left the place she worked at cause she didn't get along with another girl there.

In China it is so normal. Try this blog with pictures and articles about prostitution in the middle kingdom.

have been to every massage parlor in town, I get butt naked, tell them what Im paying and do my deed to society!

I can...well...sort of understand some of you folks frustration with this article, however I'm pretty sure it was meant more as a comedic monologue for guys getting a rub and tug from you local Asian parlor, than a direct dig on those relevant parties involved, i.e. pimps, masseuse, organized crime etc. Anyways, great article Slava! Made for a good late night laugh.

I just like to show my Hard Cock to an Asian women who then grabs and rubs it and tugs it..I make sure it is nice and hard and throbbing..might as well get my money's worth out of the sense in being shy about it if i'm spending my money..she will definitely see the dick very hard

I like to blast sperm all over the place...they say " Strong boy..Strong I like the traditional looking one's not the Americanized one' know the one's who look like they just came off the boat...I'm not going there for the date and chat..just massage, rub and tug and send me on my way....

If anyone is married, can you please tell me, in your honest opinion, why you go to massage parlours? I am not here to judge, just curious.

..wife... older, stretch marks....

Excitement!!! Wife, Asian women are beautiful!!!

Wife doesnt take care of the man. Your husband wouldn't go if you liked (genuinely) to get his cum in your face. You need to worship his cock

You must be a woman to be asking such a question, because every man, even if he can't articulate his answer knows that they will do certain things for him that his wife won't or should be expected to.

Yes, you're right, I am a woman. With all due respect, you really didn't answer my question. I will give you a scenario: let's say the wife is all for giving and receiving erotic massages; is all for playing the part of an attendant; is even all for going to a parlour with the husband and watching; and is all for letting her husband go without her. Why not bring it up with the wife?

Because there are just some things that a man shouldn't ask his wife to do. A wife is to be set on a pedestal, worshiped and occasionally have sex with. I can't speak for all men but I've never considered asking my wife for any kind of erotic massage; it's just not something that I think my wife would be interested in doing nor would I be interested in having her do for me. It's just not the same thing unless it's done to you by a stranger.

A lot of married women seem to think that the act(per se) is the reason why some men go to such places and it's not. They also seem to think that if they fulfill the carnal and perverted desires of their husbands, they won't stray. To be truthful, it doesn't matter what the wives or girlfriends do for us sexually men are wired to seek out other women when we become bored or get turned away enough times and it doesn't matter what the reason is(legitimate or not).

Thank you for your honest opinion.

Here is another scenario: your wife admits to being unfaithful. What would you do about it? Would you forgive her and stay married? Would you then, let's say, suggest swinging or some other joint sexual adventure or would you continue seeking out other women without her knowledge?

Yes, I would forgive but not forget. My wife and I have been married for almost 20 years and I love her but we're both too old to be starting over. I'm not really interested in pursuing flings with other women. With most men it's just lust and sex; nothing more as is the case with me.

I'm also a closet polygamy advocate; not for the sexual variety that would come with such an arrangement but because I believe that the country is very fast being overrun with women and illegitimate children who need a patron and father for guidance and support.

Here is my story, in a nutshell: About 10 years ago, my husband and I started swinging for about 2 years together. We had kids and the swinging ended. We just recently went to a swing club but nothing happened because it was our first time in years.

Over the course of 7 months, he has been hiding hiding things from me and I just don't know why. Most of the things he hides are really quite silly. However, I recently found out that he was secretly enquiring about massage parlours and when I asked him why he didn't speak to me about it beforehand, he said he was afraid to tell me. I don't understand why he would be afraid to tell me considering our lifestyle and because it wouldn't bother me if he actually went to a massage parlour. What bothers me is the fact that he is hiding things, not the fact about having sex with someone else.

The reason he is hiding it from you, and feels guilty is that you are the mother of his children and now he sees you and the children as one.
doing things like that with you would be like bringing your children into it. add the fact that you are a mother and he has a mother well now thats just a whole lot of messed fealings and emotions.
going to a parlor or other place he can just do his thing get in get out and move on with his life.
your going to have to retrain your sex life to reflect the changes you had in your every day life.
try sitting nude in front of each other and talking about haveing sex in detail everything you going to do to one another, but no touching do this a few times it wont solve everything but at least youll start listening to each other about sex and help him to start to connect to you mentaly, and he start to let go of the idea that if he gets down and dirty with his wife hell ruin his familys life.
just two cents, for what its worth.

Indeed I liked what she had to say to me I asked the prices and she said 40 for naked handjob and 200 for something he gestured with her hand... Needless to say her pussy was tight.. But is it just me or do all of them say oh you so big... Anywho I got that sexy ass Asians number to say the least I think she liked my cock

the whole 'linked to slave trafficking' is just an urban myth propagated by right wingers to gain support for shutting down establishments that are 100% victimless.

BULLSHIT! ^^^^^^

Urban myth? You are an idiot.

That's rubbish. I'm a leftie, but it's obvious that sex trafficking does exist and does do serious harm to the women in many cases.

Maybe some wives prefer TV and sleeping to sex with their husbands. And when they do consent to let you in, it's...
"hurry it up, I'm tired", "ouch, put on some KY" and finally "so why aren't you hard any more?"

That sounds unfortunate, however, that is not the case with me. I can understand why men would seek other women in that instance. I do, however, believe that it takes two to tango.

Wow you must live at my house or we are married to the same woman???

sex slaves, ha! i honestly doubt that that's the case most of the time. sure, that sort of thing goes on, but my guess is that most of the women who work at these parlors are just loose women who want to make good money.

to the women posting on here, if you are a family values person and are against promiscuous sex, then fine, i respect that. but if you have no problem with an attractive men or woman sleeping with a stranger of the opposite sex simply because they are attracted to them, then why do you have such a problem with a woman sleeping with a stranger of the opposite sex for money? don't you think it's a bit insensitive of you to tell a guy he shouldn't be allowed to pay for experiences that you can get for free?

Unfortunately, the sex slave industry exists and it's troublesome that someone is forced to do something against their will.

I agree with 'Just Me'. What's the difference really? Paying for sex or getting it free is the same thing. Sex is sex no matter what. The only difference is that with paid sex, it's all about you. You don't have to worry about satisfying the other and that's a plus!

Actually, it's very different from what is described. The way to prepare for any venture such as this, you have to watch COPS! I am dead serious. The biggest mistake policeman have made is to let us into their world and show us how the job is done. If you watch enough COPS! you will learn what and what not to say that will keep the cuffs off you.

These businesses understand one thing even if you never speak Chinese, MONEY!. The one true thing said was to get the cheapest time which could be 30 to 60 minutes but what happens next is VERY important. Place your EXTRA compensation on the table where she can see it and NEVER let them see what is in your wallet. Once she she's the extra cash laid out there is no need for further conversation, everything is understood and you'll be better off than some lame hand job.

Actually in Philly and environs, $40 for the parlor $40 tip agreed upfront will give you 1/2 hr excellent semi nude massage while you pull her pants down and play with her cunt, and suck her tits, followed by a wank off -- $60 an hour -- both are excellent.

You'll usually be greeted by an older woman first who is like the madame of the place. You should tell her exactly what you want and she will then know you are not police and can accommodate you. Communication is important because it's your money. Also, make sure they offer a table shower. When was the last time a woman bathed you from head to toe? These places really make you feel like a king and are totally worth it.

Now, as for later when you think back on the whole experience, yeah, they are total sex slaves and you are helping feeding a system of underground crime. Just don't be ignorant of the fact.

Will they do women? Does anyone know one in the MASS or RI area?

they will do money - if a lady has green money she too can leave happy. sorry, i don't know anything about RI/MA

I got to fuck a hot chick at one of these places for $ was good!

If these people are so put out by this type of activity what the fuck are they doing on this site? Obviously they have googled the word massage looking for some action. Try getting a little. It will do wonders for your opinion towards the MP. My guess is that they are ugly woman or homos.

thats what im saying they are to quick to are they doing on this site anyways???.......if you dont understand why men do this then your prob just a women or a homo lmao....btw this was very funny

this shit is hilarious!! and pretty damn accurate! except i dont leave my boxers on..just ass naked from the start...idk? no one ever says shit

I have to say the original article is pretty true-to-life. I'll add a few things:

When it comes to discussing the happy ending or other special pleasures, be prepared to talk in a low voice. The girls are being cautious about LE (Law Enforcement), and also are keeping it private from the other girls. A masseuse I've seen several times and have a good rapport with let me fuck her doggy style once, but afterwards asked to not let ANYONE know she let me do that. (Amazing how good her English suddenly got.)

Don't get your hopes up about every Asian massage parlor having hotties. A lot of the ordinary parlors in Chinatown neighborhoods have pretty plain girls, or even older girls with hardened faces. Mind you, they give a good hand job, but it can be hard to cum if you haven't got a cute looking face or body to look at or grab. When i go to a new parlor, I look at who greets me, and if I don't think she could make me cum, I just say "I'll come back some other time."

In my experience the girls will let you touch and caress their legs while they work. When you're face down on the table, and she's working your shoulders, her legs, ass and waist are all you have access to. She might plow her tummy into the top of your head to give you an invitation. But take my advice, treat her like you would a date, and approach gently and in stages. Going directly for a finger up the pussy is not a recipe for success.

I don't think leaving your underwear on is at all necessary. Go in the buff and that will send a strong clue as to what you came in for.

That advice about it being about the money is very true. This is their livelihood, and cash is fundamental to the equation. If you develop a kind of fun familiarity with a girl after frequent visits, that's just gravy...don't ever think it changes the cash proposition.

You moralists out there...I'm sympathetic but i think you're wrong. We're all stuck with some lot in life, and there are glass ceilings that keep you from becoming the billionaire you'd like to be. These girls just have a glass ceiling that's lower than yours.

Nehru Jacket

I have a solution to satisfy both sides of this arguement. Get your rub and tug from the sex slave, and then marry her. That way you can take her away from a life of degrading sex with strangers, and instead give her a life of degrading sex with you--her husband. If you play your cards right, her pimp might give you a discount on your honeymoon! Booyah!

I was told I could find a happy ending under a city bus. So much for your advice.

here, they usually give you the option of a 30 min. for $60 or 1 hr. for $80. definitely go with the hour long massage 'cuz that includes a scrub down/shower (which is a good time to show the girl your interested, if you know what i mean). At that point she'll know what you fully expect and be ready to deliver when you get to the table. that way, there won't be any awkward gesturing or trying to find discreet ways to tell her you want her to grab your junk. then, after's it's done, depending on how good she is, i tip from $20 - $30, but at least $20. So be looking to spend at least $100. of course, try to find the places known for having girls that are good at what they do. just don't pop into any random parlor. you're most likely gonna get dissapointed. check out reviews on adult review sites and sometimes even google reviews have some reviews that hint at the fact that you're gonna get something good if you go this place type reviews, you'd be surprised. I just had the BEST happy ending the other day, blew my mind. they can be awesome if you fnd the right place. good luck.

is it me or do most just offer the rub and tug everytime ive gone to one of them thats all they will do im trying to find one that gives full service i dont know how to crack the code as soon as i say anything they always laugh and go no no we give massage here baby i always here you can get sex from them but how do you do it im just about to give up on that might as well get a friggin escort thats more expensive but il probably be saving money in the end ive wasted a good chunk of money trying to find the right one all they do is jerk you off and dammit i got my hand thats just not doin it for me what is the password to these women!!!

FS usually runs you $100. You can tell if thats an option if theres a condom brought in after she starts rubbin ur cock. If she says no then just get up and leave. no tip.

I need a sandwich massage

awesome very funny

I live in Barrie Ontario and I went to a parlor and got to fuck the chick for $60

Where is this place? Do they do women and men or just men? Husband and I want to "get off" together at one of these places. Sounds hot!

Thats rubbish about the sex trafficing. ALot of the women who do work in brothels are not sex trafficed. They cant find a job any other way. Its how it is really. The job market is B+++ sh+t. I know dozens of girls who cant get a job. ITs the whole system is making it like this. All A BIG SH+T PIE FULL OF MAGGOTS. THats how people want it. I know dozens of graduate accountants who finish and work as administration yet other work getting 200k a year jobs. The MARKET? Where is the supply and demand? ITS A ALL A BIG Sh+T PIE and thats how it is.

I haven't hobbied in a while. But used to go to AMPs where I could get TUMA, BBBJ cim from fine viet girl for $.6 Had a fav of two chinese babes..tuma,fuma bbbjnqns,greek, damn near everything for $1 each. Good times!

i work at one of these parlours! and were not all just a bunch of whores, some have to pay for school some there kids and other things and r doing what they can, there all nice girls who just so happen to have had a bad life,l and not every girl jumps at 20$! if you paid 20$ for a hand job that girl was most likely just a diseased prostitute

oh i love asian girl i did visit the palor more than once , and i have nothing but happy happyyyyy ending of goooood quality, they seem to like me a lot at the first sight, in every one of them that i visit , really all girls asian or not seems to like me as soon they look at me dont know y , guesss cuz i am kewl, my little secret, y i go to those asian palor i like their feet , um like to smell them kiss them lick them , and i tips them really good too, they told me in their china language hey, cum back..........

I went to a massage spa the other day and used the methods listed here requesting a happy ending and all of a sudden I found myself fleeing the place just ahead of a very sharp and shiny sword. I believe that the girl indeed wanted to give me a happy end.

I went to a massage spa as well and said the same thing and alluded to a happy ending - she asked me if I wanted the right one removed or the left.

Me love those Asians - Yummy

I have been to four of these types of places in Albuquerque. The first time I went, the girl was just gorgeous. After about ten minutes, she started rubbing her pussy against my hand, so I just took over and starting feeling her pussy and ass, massaging her thighs and calves while she gave me a great, sensual massage. When it was over, she jacked me off and fingered my ass. I think I paid 80 bucks (60 for the hour and a 20 dollar tip.)

I went the next time, and it was super lame. No sex. No nothing. Cost around 60 bucks (40 for the half hour, 20 for the tip) Also, the place was super ghetto and I could fully hear the guy in the stall next to me trying to make small-talk with his girl. He was a massive douche-bag, and my girl and I both got a huge laugh listening to him trying to be charming.

The third time I got an older, less-attractive woman, but she did jack me off and let me play with her tits. (30 for the half hour, 20 tip)

The fourth time was super lame. Weird looking girl. Also, I could hear some while lady with a mid-western accent talking to the lady at the front desk about xmas decorations for the duration. Bad massage, nothing sensual. 60 for the hour massage. No tip.

Then I came to Tucson this weekend.

So, I found a place, and I went in. The cute and friendly girl immediately started getting sensual with me. I started feeling up her shorts and playing with her pussy and ass. She let me go all the way up and start fingering her.

I'd so far given her sixty bucks. She was getting very horny and wet and wanted me to roll on my back so she could get better access to my cock and balls. I couldn't understand what she was telling me, but I thought I understood her to say that for 100, I could fuck her. I told her I didn't have a condom and asked that she suck my dick and finger my asshole. She took off her pants and climbed up on top of me. She put her pussy on my face and started sucking my cock while fingering my ass. She was grinding her twat into my mouth and saying "kiss my pussy." We both came... well, I did and she seemed like she did. She had a great pussy, by the way. She didn't mind that I licked and fingered her asshole. She was very clean, very tight, and very wet.

For some reason, she wouldn't let me see or touch her breasts. Those crazy Chinese!

So, she left the room and came back with hot towels and washed my face and ass and cock and her own hands, and she finished the massage. Not half-assed either! It was great. Then, she gave me a body shampoo. My cock was hard again, but she explained to me that it wasn't good or healthy to have her get me off too many times in a week. She was (I think) suggesting that I not come back for at least a week or maybe she was sying I should come back every week. I have no idea why. I don't know what the fuck she was talking about. And, i pretty much didn't care. I was one big, wet noodle

When I went to give her the other forty, she said I owed her another hundred. I was like, yeah whatever. I gave her the forty and told her I'd be back and would get square with her the next time. I honestly thought that when we discussed the money, she was including the initial sixty.

All I had was a hundred on me... I don't live in Tucson, and I doubt I'll be back soon.

I came hard and got a great massage and got to lick a hot, Chinese chicks pussy and ass.

If you get to Tucson, it's the place near Oracle and Ina.

Oh, and fuck you self-righteous assholes who think this is wrong or a form of sex-slavery. I paid, she made money. And we both got our genitals licked. Win-win-win.

Where did you go in albuquerque?

Great story! I know that place u are talking about. That place is suck. Never repeat. Do u have another good Amp in Tucson area?

I have been going to these places for the past 15 yrs. Its easy and a lot of fun with Korean women, they are very sexy and passionate with me. I am now in my 50's, what more could I ask for. I am a kid in a candy shop! I have been fucking this one for the past 3 years, she has a great body and average face. What I like about her most is her personality. I know she would prefer to do something else as she is working to get out of the business I pay $50.00 for 30min and give her $100.00 They all need the money and I have no problem giving it. I have taken this one to lunch, coffee and now she want to go skiing so far she say's she does not work outside but then she me and ask why don't I marry her and take care of her that is when I clam up. You never know what is gong to happen out there! I have fucked so many of these Korean girls I can't remember them all. It sure has been an adventure! It is hard to get your heart out of the deal, because most of them are passionate and very cute. So just buck up and have fun.
It is all about the money, I agree. It is still cheaper than wining and dining a white girl on the come.

Anyone know of any parlors that do couples (women & men) in the Toronto, Ontario, Canada area?

I only go where there are asians, I tried the relaxation people and the massage envy's and a lot of white women but they just don't stack up against the beautiful asian women massagers.

The original article - part about leaving your shorts on - very funny. No way!

I've tried this at several asian parlors: I go in, get naked and lay face down with my hands palm up on the edge of the table. If she is going to let you touch her, she'll make the move to put herself where your fingers can do the walking.

Usually the first part of the Chinese massage is done from the head end of the table, and she'll rub her belly against your head, rubbing your back from shoulders to buttocks, leaning over to reach your butt. If she rubs her breasts on the back of your head thats a good sign, but sometimes the girl is smaller-breasted and they just dont dangle far enough, so dont be dismayed.

When she starts rubbing your back from the sides of the table, she MIGHT rub her hip against your fingers, or go straight to straddling your hand. Be brave - extend your fingers and touch her, but DONT just grab. If she is ammenable she MIGHT move just a bit so that your fingers can get deeper between her legs.

Be cautious not to advance too fast or you may get your hand roughly moved away. If at any point she moves your hand off of her body, then keep your hands to yourself or you just might find yourself explaining your actions to a police officer.

If you gently move your fingers to let her know you like what you feel, she may grind herself against your hand to let you know she's OK with being touched there. Usually no extra charge for this - she's just letting you know that sensual fun is on the menu.

At that point you've got her permission to fondle and grope. If she is wearing shorts you can try to get your fingers inside but dont rush - take a few minutes to appreciate each stage: rub her thigh under the shorts, carress her panties and appreciate the soft thin material stretched over her flesh, then slip a finger under the legband and stroke her gently a few moments before you poke a finger inside.

She may whisper in your ear that touching her there costs extra, so be prepared to negotiate or retract your hands if you are unwilling to pay for that item on the menu.

If you lay with your package pointed down and spread your legs, you'll probably get a few "incidental" strokes as she rubs the back and inside of your thighs.

Assuming she has let you play with her, after you flip over you'll be asked if you want her to touch you there. At that point you can inquire as to what else is on the menu, and negotiate the price if you didnt already do that when you got your fingers wet.

If you go back to see the same lady, she'll may give you a hug and let grope her as soon as you get alone, or at least let you fondle her butt while she's standing at the head of the table.

Here in the Seattle area, its $50 for the hour massage and a minimum of $40 for a HJ, $50 will get you some tits to suck on and some good groping fun below the waist, $60 will get your fingers wet too. Be prepared to drop a $100 tip for full service.

Several of the smaller parlors I've been to appear to be family run: older Mom & Dad and grown kids, and some even have grandma playing with the little kids in the back. Most of these only have a curtain over the door of the massage room, and the girl will NOT take her clothes off for you so dont ask. She MAY let you touch her, even show you some T & A and allow licking and fingering, but she wont remove her clothes or screw you, so dont try in these places.

I used all the suggestions here and soon found myself with a knife stuck in each hand. I was yelled at and told, "I told you to keep those hands to yourself. . ."

I posted earlier about my experiences in Albuquerque and then in Tucson. Since that time, I've been mostly not going to get Asian Massages. Too fucking expensive. Also, I found a neighbor who likes to suck my cock.

Three days ago, however, I went to a place on Coors BLVD. I tried something new. When the girl walked into my room, I was laying on my back with my hard dick pointing in the air. The girl kind of giggled and suggested I lay on my stomach.
She eventually started rubbing her pussy on my hands and that whole business. Occasionally brushing my cock. The usual stuff. Then she started kissing me. Just full on making out. She took off her clothes and pulled me up to the edge of the table and got on the table herself. She asked me to fuck her.

What choice did I have?

After we both came (again, I only think she came... and sort of don't give a shit one way or the other), she took me for a shower table massage. Which was awesome.

The cost? 50 for the massage, 10 for the shower, and all she wanted was a 20 dollar tip.

Win Win Win

didnt know any of the places on coors had table showers....

lol. i think some of these girls are gettin desperate. i live in LA and just the other day i was about to walk out of a place cause i didnt like their selection. Mama at the front dest said i cant leave and i only pay for massage. tip is not necessary. so all in all i got some service for 40$ 30 mins. she said tell my friends and she will reward me lol

Still recovering from the knife wounds in each hand. She told me to keep those hands to myself. I tried the methods suggested here and got a knife in each hand and was told, "Next time I tell you to keep those hands to yourself, you better listen!"

Very funny post!

To all the posters talking about sex slavery: YOU ARE COMPLETE IMBECILES.
Sex slavery and human trafficking are two of the most misunderstood, convoluted, and sensationalized subjects out there.

Fact- Most Asian massage parlous do NOT provide sexual services. Many do; most don't.

Fact-The overwhelming majority of prostitutes working in brothels and massage parlors are not slaves; just regular girls who can make a substantial income based on the services they provide. Why would an owner of such an establishment risk the penalties? There is an immense amount of work involved in holding someone against there will. It is a 24 hour a day job. Why would an owner jeopardize his operation with people who are being held against there will, when there are thousands of attractive girls who are lining up to work in such establishments and make six figure incomes? Contrary to popular belief, many high-level criminals are quite intelligent and do understand the risk-reward relationship.

Fact- Most sex slaves are NOT TRAFFICKED. Why would a pimp traffic them when he/she (yes she) can find a myriad of desperate girls to brainwash right in his/her own backyard?

Sex slavery and human trafficking are despicable. Anyone engaging in such deplorable activity should be severely punished. I believe we should have shelters and safe-havens for victims of these crimes, once they come forward.

However, when bombastic feminists and whack-jobs start spewing tripe and misinformation, it does a major disservice to the real victims. They dishonor the plight of the real victims by comparing them to girls who are driving around in Mercedes' and shopping at Saks.

I posted on Jan 12 about a chinese massage parlor I go to where the girl lets me fondle her.

UPDATE: I made an appointment a day ahead of time this week. Usually I just walk in and usually that girl wears jeans, which are a) rough, b)thick, and c) cant be pulled down easily as they are belted.

On this day, she was weaing a satin top that barely covered her ass, and tight VERY thin black leggings. I began fondling her as usual, grabbing her ass at the head of the table as she rubbed my back.

I could feel her little panties easily thru the tights. I slid a hand in front and rubbed her pussy at the same time. She began rubbng her crotch hard against my hand as she leaned over to rub my back all the way to my ass. She did somethig she usually waits til after the flip: She almost lay down on me to reach that far, but she slid her hands between my ass to fondle my balls.

At that point something else happened different than before. Rather than continue the massage and give me a hand job after the flip, she moved to the side of the table and began fondling my nuts and sliding her other hand on my cock. I rolled over and grabbed her ass with one hand and her crotch with the other. I motioned for her to bend over and she mashed her breasts aganst my face, whispering in my ear that she was "aroused". No Shit! The crotch of her tights was getting wet.

I yanked the back of her tights down over her ass, and slid my hand inside her pantiies thru a leg hole to grab her bare ass. I worked my finger down between her legs and into her wet pussy. She began to moan, and squirm. I pulled her tights and panties down halfway to her knees and began to finger-fuck her deep from behiind and rub her clit from the front.

Then she did something ELSE she's never done before. She moved her titties off my face and bent over to SUCK MY COCK! So here I am fucking her face with my dick and her cunt with TWO fingers. She's bucking, squirming and moaning. I blew my wad in her mouth and she swallowed it all, then shuddered hard, and relaxed, laying across my body with my cock still in her mouth. She lay there for a moment, till she could stand again, then licked me clean. She got a towel and wiped her pussy and thighs, then wiped my hands, cock, and thighs. While she was wiping my crotch, I fondled her naked ass. When she was done cleaning me up, THEN she pulled up her panties and tights. She completed the massage and I tipped her $70.

After I got dressed I hugged her and as usuall, groped her ass. I told her that I REALLY LIKE those leggings. She told me to ALWAYS make an appointment a day ahead and she'd ALWAYS wear clothes I can get into easily. I said "REALLY?" You want it that way? She told me she sometimes got so aroused from doing hand jobs, but I'd been in so often and she'd jerked me off so many times with me "touching her the right way" that she wanted to feel my fingers better, so she wore the thin tights when she knew I was coming. I asked if she'd fuck me right now and she said no - not without a condom.

All this time I've been groping her ass. I pushed my hand into her panties again to grope her ass and she moaned and leaned against me. When I pulled my hand around to the front to fondle her cunt, she tlold me she needed to cum again and asked me if I'd eat her. Of course I agreed.

She pulled away, pulled her tights and panties down to her ankles and hopped on the table, laid back and spread for me. I bent over and began licking and fingering her cunt. It only took about a minute of my tounging her clit and fingering her before she grabbed my head and mashed her crotch into my face as she spasmed in climax. Then she grabbed that towel again and wiped her cunt and pulled up her panties and tights. Then she wiped my fingers and then she kissed me - on the lips (another first time thing - usually its a peck on the cheek) and licked some of the pussy juice off my beard, then she wiped my face with the towel. I asked if she wanted more of a tip, and she said "no - you made me cum hard".

She asked, as usual, if I wanted some water. I said yes, so she dissapeared for a moment and returned with a small cup. I was sitting down putting on my shoes. I took the water with one hand and slid my other between her legs as she stood close. She spread her legs a little and rocked her hips, enjoyin the touch. But it was tiime - and then some - so I had to go.

I told her next week I'd bring SEVERAL condoms. She smiled and kissed me again. I asked how much I should tip when that happens and she told me !!!"No extra. Same as always, just make me cum hard"!!!.

I asked if she is jerking or fucking any other clients and she said she DOES do a lot of hand jobs - about half her massage clients. But Im the only one that "knows how to touch her" to get her aroused. So GUYS - LEARN HOW TO TOUCH A WOMAN. Firm but gentle, let her let you know where and how. Pay attention to her signals!!! Watch her eyes, breathing and her posture. If she is leaning away or turns away stop. If she leans in - go.

I've already made my appointment for next week, and I'll ALWAYS be carrying condoms now.

how many guys licked her pussy? Now you look her pussy? Wow that is a lot of germs in your mouth. Then when you not there another transfers some minor disease and you catch it when you return and don't even know it. Now you have some kind of vaginal disease in your mouth , when you finally notice it then it is too late and your regular dentist won't know of the disease you would have to go to a specialist.

The best spa packages are available in Toronto, but most of them will cheat you.

Yaro Shepherd's picture

I just want to say I love you all for filling my inbox with replies for the last year.

MPR411's picture

nice asian massage parlor article,it was a great read!
you can also find more info about asian massage parlors (AMP'S)

Worst advice ever. Leave your underwear on? Play stupid? What a dummy! And at the end "they'll throw some paper towels your way and tell you to clean up? Everything this guy says is wrong and he obviously has limited or no experience in this topic.

While at massage spa, I did as suggested took underwear off and asked about "Happy endings." Woman left and came back down hallway with big knife. I grabbed towel and ran out of place naked with woman shouting come back, here is your happy ending! I managed to get away, but have never dared to ask for a happy ending again as next time I might not be so fortunate at to escape.

I too was at a massage spa and asked for a happey ending and was escorted by a big burly guy who grabbed me by the kneck and drug me outside and dumped me in the dumpster; saying, "here is your happy ending!"

I like to blow my load all over the girls clothes and the table

I did as suggested in Milwaukee and massage woman left room and came back with another woman and jabbered in Chinese then she left room and came back with third woman. Now I had three women in room. I quickly became worried as I was not receiving my happy ending. At this time, I told them I changed my mind and did not want happy ending. They all started glaring at me. I quickly felt that I was going to get a happy ending whether I liked it or not. While they were still jabbering in Chinese I grabbed my clothes and ducked out the door. I felt good as I did not receive a happy ending that might have put me out of my misery for life.

We are Americans that why we love those Asian women so much they are great.