How to Secretly Ruin Someone's Life

Covert tactics that go beyond mere physical pain.

Statue crying instead of thinking

Have you ever just wanted to slap a bitch or kick a douche in the balls? Well, the last thing you need on your permanent record is assault and battery, so I would highly advise against physical violence...unless, of course, you're absolutely certain you won't be identified. In the event you choose to go this route, there are some very affordable ski masks available online or at your local burglar and rapist outfitters.

For the rest of you, here are some covert tactics you can employ, at little or no expense, which will be infinitely more entertaining to you and your friends than kicking the bastard in the balls or otherwise inflicting fleeting physical pain. These tactics, when executed correctly, will exact humiliation, pain, and suffering on your victim.

Note: For brevity's sake, and to avoid gender specific pronouns as much as possible, the receiver of torment will from this point forward be referred to as "the Bitch."

Step 1: Feign Intimacy

Report the Bitch's vehicle stolen so they get pulled over the next time a cop sees them.If you don't know the Bitch intimately, become close. Work your way up from being acquaintances to best buddies, fuck buddies, or lovers. If possible, don't reveal your malevolent intentions to anyone. You want your close friendship or relationship with the Bitch to be as believable as possible. But don't be an idiot and fall for the ruse yourself, like the classic spy movie twist where the chick sleeps with her target then falls in love and fucks up the mission. Don't do that.

Step 2: Initiate Reconnaissance

This step is the most crucial in the plan, because without certain information, it will be very difficult to go about anything in Step 3. Luckily, with free public records search engines, such as ZabaSearch and Intelius, it's easy to find a lot of information about anyone with only a name or phone number. You can also go old school and Google the Bitch's name, instant messenger handle, or email address to dig up information, sketchy associations (for instance, a profile on TransgenderSwingers.com), pictures, and anything else that could come in handy later.

Another resource you can use is your local sheriff's office website, where you can search arrest and jail records for the Bitch's name. If they have ever been booked by that county, you can see all the details, from the time of arrest to all prior offenses. Most people don't have any arrests to hide, but if they do then you've hit the jackpot.

Step 3: Execute Vendetta

Caped avengerOn to the fun part. Don't be surprised if you feel the uncontrollable urge to let out sardonic, maniacal laughing. MUHAHAHA.

I'll offer some ideas here, but be creative! Bonus points for originality! For some of these ideas, you'll need to start another email account that cannot be linked to you. If you're really paranoid or are doing something that could be found to be a breach of privacy (like posting naked pictures without consent to post them) use a public access computer so the IP address can't be traced back to you.

  • Make a Facebook profile with the profile picture set to an indecent shot of the Bitch, then add all of their friends.

  • Post a Craigslist ad under "men seeking men" (for a straight guy)—or something equally embarrassing for any other gender/orientation—so the Bitch will receive a steady flow of colorful calls/texts/instant messages from friendly locals looking to have a good time. (You have to be careful with this one though, because you can't impersonate anyone by using his/her name or contact information on the actual Craigslist posting.)

  • Make reservations for a cab or limo for a pickup at ungodly hours of the morning or night on days you know the Bitch has off from work and will be home. (The only possible problem with this is that most taxi services will call in advance to confirm a reservation.)

  • If you have access to the Bitch's voicemail, change the greeting to something inappropriate...like a phone sex operator recording.

  • [SCIENTOLOGY] If the Bitch shares a mailbox with a roommate, request that literature from the Church of Scientology and sex toy catalogs be sent to their address in Bitch's name.

  • If you have access to their phone provider and account, change the password, then jack up the phone bill with added services.

  • Report the Bitch's vehicle stolen so they get pulled over the next time a cop sees them driving around (have the license plate and vehicle description ready).

  • Subscribe to spammers with the Bitch's email address.

  • Send dirt (pictures, arrest record, etc.) to the Bitch's parents or other family members if you can find their mailing address or email address.

  • Pretend to be a customer where the Bitch works, then complain to the manager or file a formal complaint.

Step 4: Maintain Anonymity

Ski mask on a mannequin's headAfter a few days (or hours), the Bitch will most likely contact you, kindly requesting that you cease the tormenting. You may be tempted to give a quick-witted rebuttal, something to the effect of, "You had it coming," but refrain. Whatever you do, don't say anything that could be construed as admission of guilt. The best response: "I have no idea what you're talking about." End of conversation. Then continue to watch as the Bitch squirms in discomfort and humiliation.

Step 5: Move On

Don't let the Bitch's memory taint the quality of your life. After successfully carrying out the above steps, let it go, and move on with your life. Whoever the Bitch is, nothing will hurt them more than to see that you really don't give a shit about them, that you have moved on and found success in your job, relationship, school, or new friendships.

If the Bitch was in your circle of friends before, exclude them from things you do together or refuse to acknowledge the Bitch when you're out with your friends. If the Bitch was an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, go on dates with other people in very public places or tell your friends how much better your new partner is in bed than that last guy/girl...what was their name?

It's best just to play nice, as a general rule, but when someone fucks you over, there's nothing more pathetic than being a sap who sits at home and cries about it. Don't take people's shit, but at the same time, don't start World War III over nothing. Ever the advocate of peaceful resistance, I will end with this: sometimes the best solution is to simply say, "Fuck you, cunnilingus mother fucking dickhole," and walk away...just walk away.

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Andrei Trostel's picture

First, let me personally apologize for any teasing comments I have made to you in the past.

Second, funny article Jessica.

Third, it occurs to me that most people would probably find step one almost worth all the rest.

Fourth, who am I kidding? I meant all the teasing comments and I'm not all that sorry for them, but it is still a funny article.

;-P

Gavin Pitt's picture

Funny stuff, and great tips. The anonymity is a good suggestion with minor quibbles that leave you doing things like putting prawns inside their curtain rods and then re-hanging them (they'll never find the source of the smell!) but it's just not as satisfying to destroy someone who's fucked with you in a major way if they don't know it's you who put their picture on the "Alt.Hamster/fetish/rodentbuttplug"" site or flooded their hardrive with kiddieporn and alerted Interpol...

wow how sad

love it!!! so glad to see a woman let out the the horns, and remind us that sometimes the best way to feel better is well planned tom-foolery!

You phone her house and terminate the call just enough to make her husband suspicious. Then you supply him with alot of lies, under a false name of course, and voila! One marriage ended up in the divorce court

That's good, but I have one just as good or even better still. You can send underwear to the spouse of that person. For example, you send sexy thong panties to the wife with hate letters like her husband is cheating on her and you are his 'mistress'. This could be done with men, too; but I think results will happen quicker with women since they are more emotional. Of course, there is no mistress - in fact. Like you said, use a false name. It is pretend, but after a couple of times, I think the marriage would be over. I did it to a girl that was always really cruel to me, and I knew her address and everything about her and her family and it worked. To this day, she has no idea that it was me who destroyed her marriage. > :-)

LOL :)

i fucked up a manwhore's life by doing something like that....
i called the mall where he owns a fast food joint and told them he sells drugs, and takes girls to the back.
His dad was standing right here when management went to talk to him. haha
and i punched him in the face a few times...he got a huge bruise and has work the next day. awesome.
now its time to move on =)

Wow you don't sound creepy at all! I feel bad for anyone who ever dates you.

Can't agree more with #5...just wish I could let things go & move on :)

thank you for all of this valuable information. This adult female egocentric bully knows the details of my divorce and has exploited me and added her own fabricated details. She has badmouthed me in our community and threatened to call CPS, she probably did for all I know. She went as far as to call my boss and tell him that I smoked pot. I am a single mother of 2 making $1,500.00 per month. I want to fuck her up big time and you gave me some insight. A bully won't move on until she has gone overboard or done enough damage, ya think? maybe I wont' move on now until I ruin her life. I have never stooped this low, but entertaining these ideas makes me fell good because it's payback time. Thank you. These bullies never stop until we make them stop. There are ideas all over the internet. I want to find out her boyfriend is and fuck his brains out.

wow that sounds desprate... good for you! i especially like the last part, good tymes, have fun with that. i enjoy reading about your fucked up ideas keep em com'n

I'm her boyfriend, you can come right over...

Jessica,

You're a sad piece of shit. Why would you want to ruin someone else's life? The answer is that your pathetic excuse for a life is meaningless and empty. Loser.

your a sad piece of shit mr. man, your prolly a nasty piece of trash too. your attacking someone on here, so tell me why the hell are you any different? SHUT YOUR TRASH ASS UP.

DO U RUN HER???......................NO, I FEEL BAD FOR U INSTEAD OF GETTING A LIFE ( THAT U NEED) U WANT TO RIGHT SOMETHING SO HATEFUL,YOUR A STUPIED BITCH! AND YOUR THE FCKING LOSER! #1 Rule- BEFORE CALLING SOMEONE ELSE A PIECE OF SHIT LOOK AT YOUR SELF! SLUTTT!

your a pathetic douche who has no life, so go suck a cock and get over urself

Thus be judged. Do you know why? No. So stfu college kid there is some really fucked up shit happening out there n sometimes people need to be distracted just to be stopped from ruining others life's. how is email spam really gonna hurt, except take up time. Go back to church oh yeh you sound like the sort that enters a convo knowing NOTHING about life. Pathetic.

what the hell is wrong with you people?!?! why would you want to ruin someone else's life like that? That is the most selfish, un-christian thing I have ever heard! Here's what you should do: 1)pray that god forgives you and that you don't burn in hell 2)get help!!!!!!

not all of us are christian...

nobody with a functional brain is religious, period. religion is slavery to conform the general population into mindless sheep, but thats typical in america anyway.

There is no God...only death and dirt.

1. don't mix religion into this
2. fu, christfag

Not all of us are christian bitch (: I would love to ruin your life and see if G-d helps you. hahaha. your oblivious.

yet you read the article AND the comments, something inside you isn't right either

You're on this website too... What's that saying about you?

Do one dick ed no ones asked for ur religious bullshit

my girl told me her step dad used to rape her as a child no one knows but me and she doesnt want me to tell anyone i never could stand him but now i want to kill him i allso cant tell anyone becuz that would hurt her, i want to get revenge by any means necessary (please, help me)

All you mocking the need of revenge, don't waste ur fucking time and click the damn link then...go on with your "pathetic" lives and don't get in the business of others...theirs obviously no reason for you to have looked this article up, so get a fucking life.

well bitch. you looked up the article, so obviously you can't mind your damn ass ugly business either. So shut the fuck up trash.

i jus lol'd really fuckin loud at that one, so loud in fact i think i shit a little bit, my advice to anyone fucking up someones life, false police reports, crime stoppers (and you get paid for it) fuck theyre gf/bf and secretly videotape it,spam the shit out of their emails, just be creative and enjoy the humiliation to come for youre foe :)

That was a good one, LOL some people diserve to be tormented. Karma takes too long LMFAO

He was pick on me and then I tried some of these. But it started WWIII and now he's destroying my life. Even my parents lives. He wants to kill me and all my family member.

Revenge is so sweet.

well I would love to fuck up my ex s life because he has threatened to kill me and my kids and the judge and cops with do nothing about it. This jerk deserves death. he harrases me every day and made false accusation saying my kid melested his kid. Judge denied the protective oder even though he admitted to doing meth the same judge gave him unsupervised visitation. so way to go Jessica!!!!!

just that first step and then ending it would likely be enough for most situations.

How the hell do all the people against revenge find there way to this site in the first place?

I googled, "How to destroy a persons life." :D One of the things on the list should be adding them to houston's hottest blogging site as we ALL know is the dirty with the lovely dirty army and the handsome nik richie (: love yall.

"when someone fucks you over, there's nothing more pathetic than being a sap who sits at home and cries about it." my boyfriend cheated on me and i stayed home for days i was really pathetic but im deffinitly going to use this steps thank you

Listen, whoever don't want to enact revenge. LEAVE. For the rest of us, there's absolutely nothing wrong with some ideas to enact revenge. As long as you do nothing illegal, then I say GO FOR IT! If they screwed you over "legally", then what's wrong with screwing them back "legally"??? Good luck all of those who got f*cked over royally. Kill the b@tch, (NO wait - thats not legal. DAMN! Just f@ck her/him over!!!

LOVE IT. Just humiliated this bitch on houston's hottest site. Hmmmmm. What next.....

I love putting houston's dirtiest to shame. xoxoxo

YES REVENGE IS SWEET, BEST WHEN SERVE COLD, THUMB UP GUYS . GO GET THOSE SUCKERS AND MAKE THEM PAY FOR WAT THEY DONE TO YUR..... DONT LETS THEM GOT AWAY... WITH IT.
NOW FOR THOSE THAT DON'T LIKE IT ( A) DON'T PUT GOD NAME ON IT CUZ GOD DID NOT START IT AND HIS NOT GOING TO FINISH IT ( B) GOD SAID HELP YURSELF FIRST AND HE WILL HELP U ( C ) GET OUT OF THIS SITE GO BACK PLAY UR VIDEO GAME SO DO YU JESSICA MISS PATHETIC HEHEHE IF U DONT LIKE THE WAY WE REVENGE TO THOSE THAT TREAT US WRONG. THIS IS CALL PAY BACK TIME...

i dont understand why a christian is on this site in the first place. shouldnt you be preparing for the rapture or something?

A real Christian can be on any site she chooses.
A real Christian doesn't judge.
There are sadly very few real Christians.

Re: preparing for the rapture: LOL! :)

To the author:
I would refrain from making enemies for surely one will do this sort of thing to you.

Many of the things you list are considered criminal acts and one may as well commit assault as any of this other junk, for the satisfaction it will bring.

Legal revenge is always best.

I have to agree with the comment above, many of these "tips" are illegal and can end you up in a bad way. Besides that they're all older than heavens and quite boring too.

who the hell cares if it's illegal. y'all are all soft hearted.
Dude, you're so hardcore, I applaud you.

I think your evil schemes are great.
Thumbs up*

I was kinda looking for something a little more evil :)

I enjoy sucking mens cocks and drinking their baby juice! Mmmmmm...... just like sweet candy! Can I lick you balls please?

Snatches are sooooo totally gross Ewwwwww!

wow i would love to do that but im young and not even legal to drive a care yet not until 2-3 years!(sigh) anyway i would like to do this on the bitch that stole my best friend she a fucking loser and a bitch i hate her shes such a son of a bitch ass

im gonna do this to the my bf's brother who ruined our relationship he is freaking a fat faggot i hate him ugh hes so not hot! i wish i could kill his fucking ass.wow writing my anger kinda helped me a lot

do it too me for fun if you wnt too... i love it...

wow...I came on here on a whim cuz I wanted to see if the article was a spoof...I didn't think so many people wanted to get so much revenge #naive...the comments have helped me see that my problem isn't even half as bad as some other peoples problems...sure it hurts, but we forgive and move on...I guess...thanks for shedding light on my life..it's not as bad as it seems anymore.

WEAK at best

this is great stuff, been brooding over that fucking cheating bitch for a while now and this gave me some great ideas that im gonna love doing, i thank you jessica for allowing me to get some payback

a few months back i fell out with a 'friend', she slept with my boyfriend and also with my others friend love of her life. I wanted revenge and wasn't going to stop till I got it. I called up her work and compained about how rude she was to me as a customer, a week later i got a couple of frinds to complain about the same thing. the bitch got fired haha. Then i pretended to be some skank girl and sent her all these messages telling her that whenever shes not with her boyfriend its cause hes fucking me. Deep down she was a very insecure girl and I know she had her doubts whether she believed me or not. The last thing I did was send her family pictures of her half naked which a friend of hers and mine stole from her phone and sent to me. I set up the fake facebook page with her pictures and wrote to her family what a whore their little bitch was. it feels great to get revenge. im still coming up with more ways to make the bitch suffer and squeal like a little pig.

can u do this too me please.. I will pay u... i am a guy and i need a girl to destroy me.. seriously???

hi my name is jim i want my boss leave this town for good i ned you help with this right now and i want him stay out my life for good make his life worse than ever plasse can you do it anytime you want and i want my life gone at him

A fucking bitch ruined my studies.....bt i was more bad,i caught her with her new boyfrnd in a restaurnt,being accompanied by my asshole frnd.....dat day she must hv cried.....Dat bitch will suffer crackass pain.....bloody whore...(..ka......ballll....)

Any ideas on destroying the life of a dirty task force cop? We all know reporting to his supervisors will go nowhere. I wanna tear this mf's life apart. I don't care who elses image it hurts. Family, friends, whoever. I'm a good person but this ck sucker out and out lied to get his way and he has to pay.

Hehehe I almost thought about doing this.this girl really screwed me over she was supposed to be one of my Bestfriends . But I'm going to let karma get here :) unless it doesn't come fast enough;)......

I would like to ruin the life of the whore who tried to steal my man. SHe slept with him got pregnant to hold on to him but it did work.. her name sophia tristan of stockton ca... u r such a bitch....

my partners ex is a slut of a thing..i just created an email address and she is now being sent shit loads of random catalogues, info on STDs, information on sex addiction help, plus size bondage costume catalogue, and i even emailed a local church and spun this crap that she needed a pastor to come help convert her and they replied that they will be there at her house this week hahaha!!! also set up profiles on dating and swingers sites...she wants to be a slut...im only helping!!!

i love it… how about doing it to me… i love being ruined

my X-bitch broke up almost month back i need to distroy her now ASAP i got her nude pic with me but not sure how legal it is to put on site she knows me & she also knows tht i will end up distroying her life she said to ma friend tht she is hardly botered hea guys can u guys & girls help us a sit or some new ideas howto fk her life apart a some site @ or blogs where thre si no explanation asked wile putting the pic or any new ideas are also welcome !!!!!!

This is all just awful. Instead of wasting all of this energy trying to tear someone down and ruin their lives (regardless of what they have done), why not spend it trying to build someone up and volunteering or helping out someone in need?

I get that you are hurt..I get that it sucks...but you have to grow up and quit being such a manipulative person. Turn the other cheek and MOVE ON.

thanks a lot but dont u think tht we already adjusted a lot for wen we r in the the relationship
now i belive tht it is pay back time she sholud also get the pinch ma contacts toldme tht she is happy & tring to move on with anoter guy i dont have an issue isshemoveon but how the fk she can just runn me over i dont get tht !!!!!!!!!!!

great article! have been discovered some of these tips by myself and - yes, folks, it really works! hahahahahaha :D

Well you have been discovered asshole...karma will get you back tenfold you sicko pervert. Get some anger management because you are out of control.

Sometimes, very selfish people only learn not to do something by being punished.

I loved this article,very helpful.going to use it plus give that
hore spam,spam,spam!!!

If anyone is willing to give it a shot on a test run, there is a woman that goes by the name Jessica Rae Caldwell who is a 1st grade teacher all Lakewood Falls Elementary in Plainfield, Illinois that tried having me arrested, cost me my job, slept with co-workers of mine to access my house after throwing her out of my life after supporting her through college because she is a habitual liar and sex addict. She now makes porn on the side answering to craigslist ads with gay men to support her new drug habit and this is the number one reason she keeps coming back in my life trying to get me to do something so she can go lie to the police and court system. Feel free to forward this to the school board in her district as I will not personally try to contact her. Here her walk of shame.

It would seem obvious that someone is screwing with a lot of the people in this post simply by bringing up the topic of religion. I dislike religion and know the truth about its origins. Human beings had carefully crafter religion to give them control over others because it was designed to make others feel guilty for not believing. They had tortured, raped, burned, and pretty much murdered everyone who did not believe in their religion. Sexual torture was one of their favorite "punishments" to administer to anyone who had spoken out against their false gods. They had even raped small boys because their religion forbade them from having sex with the nuns. How sad is that? If you asked me, I would prefer that everyone keep their own religions to themselves. That is about as repulsive as me whipping out my hairy balls and plopping them down on your foreheads. Very repulsive and disrespectful.

Ok everyone, i have a tough situation that I am dealing with as much as the rest of my crew. Our G.M. is a lier and when confronted she twistes it all around and or denies it, she is a minipulater, and all around a very deceitful woman. I dont want to harm anyone or do anything illegal persay but my attentions are to make her transfer, quit and find another profession and make her stop all together. Calling corporate and going up the chain of command is useless..

wow supposedly a chick posts this and every deucher with there ego in there left hand starts replying all interested. Nice arcticle but i aint sucking up to no bitches curtains especially on the internet. So curtains lady!

I think I'm gonna use some ideas.that asshole need to pay for his mistake. we all gonna burn in hell .why not revenge is sweet.

So, this cow slept with my boyfriend of 7 years.

I called her and she was like "oh, he knew he had a girlfriend, its not my fault".

Please give me some ideas, I am losing my mind. And its not fair, I blame him too but she does this too alot of girls in long term relationships and I want to get her back.

Karma has a name, and its mine.

Well, there are 2 options:
1) Short-term revenge: some serious prank which will make the 'Bitch' cry like anything for a day or two
2) Carefully, well-planned revenge: Could be a month (even years) later..planned to completely destroy the Bitch's life

Which one to choose depends on the situation. I recently got to know that my gf (who puts-up in a different town) is sleeping with her office colleague .. i'm planning to use the 2nd one .. hehe .. cruel me!

You curse a little to much in this article.

Shut the fuck up! Take your sensitive ass somewhere else if you don't like profanity.

For those of you that seriously need to remain anonymous for reason I will not inquire about.

Look up Vidalia and TORbutton for firefox. Find a guide to setting it up.

I hope this enlightens some people though; there is no way to be 100% anonymous. Not at all; The closest you can get is by swapping your MAC address, using TOR and/or proxies like guardster.com or even ones ran through a client.
Then connect to a wifi connection at a coffee shop or something to that effect.
BUT! be certain that there are no cameras with you on them. Do not log into any personal accounts while in this anonymous states. It will entirely blow your anonymity.

Trails will be left almost always; no matter what you do. So the best thing to do is to control what trails you leave and where. ^_^

Call 3137791653. Can get away with anything

It's best just to play nice, as a general rule, but when someone fucks you over, there's nothing more pathetic than being a sap who sits at home and cries about it. Don't take people's shit, but at the same time, don't start World War III over nothing. Ever the advocate of peaceful resistance, I will end with this: sometimes the best solution is to simply say, "Fuck you, cunnilingus mother fucking dickhole," and walk away...just walk away.

A few ideas to add....if they work in a food place complain to environmental health that the place is filthy and you saw rats/mice/cockroaches there...anonomously report them to the police for selling drugs....if they are an immigrant report them for having an illegal visa or say they lied on their visa application or something similar....

Thanx ! Now imma rip dis cunt off

MUWAAHAHAHAH! immma ruin someone's life now

TFP, that bitch is gonna get his ugly ass kicked.

keeping my comments and paybacks all to myself ! :) hehehe

So, I dated a guy for 7 years, he was my first everything, never looked at another guy as my innocence was all in love with him...and I found out he was sleeping with some skank from his college..all the while seeing me too...I spoke to her and all she said was "Well, I was single, dont blame me".

I really want to get her and him back Any thoughts? No filters guys - Nice girl that is pist off!

This is fucking pathetic if you want to go and get revenge go do it rather than sitting on a bloody forum or whatever this is. Lol can't believe some people are actually this sad and btw this was a link at the bottom of another site and I clicked on it out of amusement before anyone has a go at me for being on here at all :/ haha pathetic