God is sitting at a desk with two versions of The Bible in front of him.

GOD: Come on….think, think.

ANGEL: Hey God, some of us are organizing a volleyball game out there. You wanna join?

GOD: Ah, I can’t, I have to record my philosophy for mankind and there are all these sections that don’t don't quite make sense. I’m stuck between two ways to create the world…I can’t decide which is better.

ANGEL: Oh…well, we need one more for the volleyball tournament. We're all going to play shirtless and laugh in the perfect weather. It's going to look like Top Gun or a beer ad from the same era…


GOD: Boy do I love volleyball, that was refreshing. Time to buckle down. What to do about this Job character. I need to explain why people must sometimes suffer. And it can’t just be that I create a bunch of Leviathans, which is obviously cool but–

ANGEL: Hey God, we're going to play horseshoes. You down?

GOD: That's so cool, but I gotta write this Bible…I can’t slack off again.

ANGEL: Totally. It’s just that we also bought a bouncy house so that while people are not playing horseshoes they can still jump around in the bouncy house. And there’s boxed wine too. And also Fred Astaire will be doing a funny yet deeply moving dance in the bouncy house all cranked up on boxed wine and falling over himself but still it’s like, “wow, Fred Astaire can sure dance.”

GOD: …heck yes.


GOD: Ha, good old Fred. Okay the Pentecost. It's cool that people all went all wild for me, but I’m worried folks could take this too—

ANGEL: Water balloon fight?


God is editing the 20 Commandments.

ANGEL: Hula Hoop rave?


God is writing out his thoughts on sexuality.

ANGEL: Orgy?


God's pen is paused above the passage where Noah gets all fat and is lying drunk in a tent after surviving the flood.

ANGEL: Gunfight? Because we can’t die and we can have consequence-free gun fights?


GOD: Jesus, I am so far behind.

JESUS: Please stop making me deal with your problems, it’s a really bad example to set for mankind.

ANGEL: Do you wanna go-

GOD: No! I can't do anything else! You guys are a blast, but Heaven can’t just be this perfect place where we have fun all the time. I need to make clear my distinction between hedonistic and higher orders of pleasure in a more concrete manner than just fearing me. Okay?

ANGEL: Roger that, I hear Ya. Jesus, are you coming through?

JESUS: To what?

ANGEL: We were going to play baseball in that field over there as the sun sets. Right there, you can see it right here out of God’s window. We're all going to meet up there and just play baseball and laugh and it’ll look like the embodiment of nostalgia happening in slow motion. And it will feel like that too.

They leave.

GOD: Finally some peace–

God looks out of the window. He sees the perfect pastoral baseball game. His son, Jesus, catches a pop fly and everyone cheers around him and hugs him. God pulls out his pen and writes quickly.

GOD: And…God…is…mysterious…and…all…powerful…fear…him…. Done. Guys! Wait up! I’ll grab Joe Dimaggio!


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