Michael Myers (Halloween)

Let me tell you something: a guy who says nothing and wears a painted William Shatner mask is hiding something. Maybe he donated money to the Clinton Foundation to get preferential treatment and Hillary had him rendered mute after Wikileaks?
Could be! I think it’s true, people.

And the guy wears a mechanic’s jumpsuit and carries a chef’s knife? Listen to me: loser. Okay? Guy’s a loser. Not scary.

Rating: 3


Freddy Krueger (A Nightmare on Elm Street)

Guy wears a cheap sweater and kills kids in their dreams. Whatever. I’m not a kid, so who cares?

You want to know what’s really scary? Look at Hillary Clinton’s record over the last thirty years. Let me tell you, that will give you nightmares. Okay?

Make a movie about that.

Rating: 2


Jason Voorhees (Friday the 13th)

Again, another tall guy with a mask who doesn’t talk. Why is not talking considered scary? That’s what I want to know.

How about Hillary Clinton and all the talking she did in those 33,000 deleted emails, huh? How come the media isn’t asking about that? Yet here we are talking about some dummy in a hockey mask.

I’ll tell you, folks, it’s a rigged system… it really is.

Rating: 3


Chucky (Child’s Play)

This is a doll. Okay? It’s a doll. I’m not afraid of a little girl’s toy. A doll comes to life and stabs a bunch of people? You pull its head off and put it in your gold-plated garbage can. Problem solved.

Now, you look at a place like Chicago; you got the African-Americans actually stabbing and shooting each other. They’re living in Hell on earth! All thanks to Hillary Clinton and her best friend Obama.

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It’s a disgrace, let me tell you.

Rating: 2


Pinhead (Hellraiser)

This guy’s scary? Nah.

You want to know who the real pinhead is? John Podesta.

Rating: 4


Leatherface (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre)

You wanna know the truth? I actually like this guy.

Now I know the liberal media and CNN is gonna spin this into some type of negative thing against me, but listen: here’s a guy who just wants to provide for and protect his family. He’s laid off from his butcher job at a meatpacking plant by people like Hillary Clinton and the Democrats’ obsession with sending our jobs overseas — because that’s what it is, people, it’s an obsession — and so here come these nasty teenage women and their loser boyfriends to this guy’s Texas home trying to take his family’s guns and his chainsaw — just like Hillary wants to, by the way — and so he does what he has to do to keep his family safe. That’s it!

Honestly, there’s nothing scary about that. It’s sad really.

And it isn’t just happening in Texas, folks. Ask anyone. It’s happening all over this country!

Now listen, trust me — I’m going to make America great again and I’m going to protect your guns and chainsaws and I’m going to do it bigly.

Rating: 8


The Girl from the Well (The Ring)

Too thin. Very pale. Disgusting hair and small breasts. Very unappealing.

Rating: 1

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