An Open Letter on Maturity to Jonathan from His Penis
I've had it. The picture of me in your "cool" MeUndies boxer briefs that you just sent to eleven different women really pushed me over the edge.
Tag: Twitter
9 Perfect Holiday Gifts for the Trump Supporter in Your Life
Essential gifts for the hard-to-shop-for, not-so-subtle racists, and people who still want to talk about "the emails" in your life.
A Response Letter From Mark Zuckerberg’s Newborn Daughter, August
Hey Dad, I just want to reassure you: I'm not worried about the future. Not even the tiniest amount. Because I'm going to inherit billions of dollars.
Take Your Eyes Off Twitter and Do Your Fucking Lifeguarding Job!
A new problem is on the rise in this techie world of ours: lifeguards texting at public pools. Get the hell off your phone and back to your minimum wage toil!
A Quick Reminder that Donald Trump’s Twitter is Amazingly Cringeworthy
Five tweets from Donald J. Trump that will satiate your internal yearning for coma-inducing cringe, or else shut down your computer.
It’s 2015 and I Don’t Use Twitter
“You’re not on Twitter!?” People look at me like I still have Tom in my Top 8. Suddenly I’m Stone Age, old school, even a little rebellious. I’m an outcast, a recluse.
Twitter Translations: College Girl Edition
If you're not a seasoned veteran of the Twitter streets then some of these girls' tweets might be hard to decipher. Here's a guide for beginners.
Dante’s eFerno: The 9 Levels of Internet Hell for Social Media Sinners
Learn from the mistakes of the tormented souls you will see on this tour of Internet Hell, or risk paying your next visit not as a guest, but with an account.
#Hashtags Are Where It’s @
The @ and # symbols should find another world to confuse. Tweet about this and include #everybody @ planet Earth. You will get retweeted. But don’t expect any Likes.
Three Tips for Maximizing Your Twitter Experience
Make a pact with yourself to send 10,000 tweets every day. Write down this goal on paper and put it some place where you will see it every day, such as your bathroom.
Listen Up, Period C Lunch: I AM A TWITTER GOD!
Principal Legree, you hold three college degrees, but have only a pathetic 583 followers. And you claim to rule me? I OWN WESTWOOD HIGH SCHOOL NOW.
Steal These Tweets: America the Absurd
50 tweets highlighting the most ridiculous aspects of American culture. Click on any of them to retweet. Know that you did something funny for your country.