Enjoys pretending to teeter on the brink of breakdown to gain physical and emotional labor from loved ones.
It’s true that after I woke up from my forty-five-year coma last week, I was tempted to change gears. But I couldn’t temper my passion.
Before he could sing a single note, I look down to see the Earth's molten core spilling into empty space.
I’m Queen Elsa from the “Frozen” Broadway Show and I’m Here to Announce Your Company’s Hiring Freeze
Thank goodness I’m still booking kindergarten graduations and Mormon cosplay through Cameo.
Wanders outside during period of widespread danger to shout opinions of varying coherence at imperiled bystanders.
"Sonnet 18, For My Dearest Netflix" Shall I compare thee to a blank brick wall? Thou art more lively and more intr’sting
KING LEAR How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child. Away, away! GONERIL I literally cannot leave.
No Driver's License Bumper Cars: Like bumper cars, but only the child drives. You have to sit and incessantly pumping the imaginary brakes.
Despite ongoing #OscarsSoWhite controversy, it’s important to remember that the Oscars are, as Stephen King pointed out, about quality, not diversity.
Admittedly, we were shocked when we noticed people who didn't spring for box seats were drowning below us.
My backstory is abuse, the type doesn’t matter. Bullies, a family member, a boyfriend who is so overwhelmingly not in my league.
Nixon Resignation (1974): Oh, Fortuna, the revolutions of your wheel pile even the masters into the muck.