The Broadway League called me a "triple threat" since I caused a scene at every show, stalked cast members, and made everyone around me feel unsafe.
If thou believes thy hands cleansed when 20 seconds have tarried, thou art awakening for ill news.
Enjoys pretending to teeter on the brink of breakdown to gain physical and emotional labor from loved ones.
It’s true that after I woke up from my forty-five-year coma last week, I was tempted to change gears. But I couldn’t temper my passion.
Before he could sing a single note, I look down to see the Earth's molten core spilling into empty space.
Thank goodness I’m still booking kindergarten graduations and Mormon cosplay through Cameo.
Wanders outside during period of widespread danger to shout opinions of varying coherence at imperiled bystanders.
"Sonnet 18, For My Dearest Netflix" Shall I compare thee to a blank brick wall? Thou art more lively and more intr’sting
KING LEAR How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child. Away, away! GONERIL I literally cannot leave.
No Driver's License Bumper Cars: Like bumper cars, but only the child drives. You have to sit and incessantly pumping the imaginary brakes.
Despite ongoing #OscarsSoWhite controversy, it’s important to remember that the Oscars are, as Stephen King pointed out, about quality, not diversity.
Admittedly, we were shocked when we noticed people who didn't spring for box seats were drowning below us.