I Am the Menacing Voiceover from a Horror Movie Trailer and I’m Just Trying to Order a Pizza
MINDLESS EATING MACHINES, TO STRIKE TERROR INTO THE HEARTS OF MEN. FOR MAN IS THE WARMEST PLACE TO HIDE. For $2 more the pizzas come with extra cheese.
Tag: Satire
I’m Hanging Off the Edge of a Cliff and There Has Never Been a Better Time to Podcast!
Looking down and seeing my legs dangling over a 400-foot drop has helped me to put certain decisions I’ve made about my life into focus.
Lab Rat Resigns, Looks for Better Pellet-Dispensing Gig
My hours are long, there’s no clock, and my wages are… well it’s just the pellets, isn’t it?
I’m an English Teacher in a Horror Movie, and These Budget Cuts Are Really Starting to Hurt
Their parents, who are never in town, don’t answer my emails, so parent-teacher conferences are as big a joke as life insurance in this town.
These Babysitters Club Members Do Not Exist
Fennel: The least soluble kid in her grade. A boss baby who doesn’t care about boys or cornbread.
A Guide to Strong and Weak Passwords from Someone Who Definitely Didn’t Murder Her Husband
Don’t use the names of people you know, such as your husband---whose disappearance 12 years ago was a tragic accident you’re still really sad about.
I Own Bob’s Nut Kicker Funhouse, and No One Wants to Work Anymore
We offer employees (or Smash Testes Dummies as they’re known around here) a competitive salary of $2.50 an hour plus any tips!
Please Excuse the Smell on This Train Platform, I’m Making a Bit of a Soup
Nonna’s soup needs to be simmered in a big-bottomed cauldron for 14 days and 14 nights. Do you know how hard it is to find a premium cauldron in New York?
A Personal Email from Netflix: We Are Suspending Your Streaming Access to “Gilmore Girls,” Effective Immediately
A Gilmore Girls Crisis Intervention Special Projects Team performed a full investigative report of your viewing history and internet browser history.
Approaching Being Buried Alive with a Business Mindset
When a tortuous, claustrophobic death rears its ugly head, winners HUSTLE HARDER.
Your Deductive Reasoning Is Ruining This Brunch, Mr. Holmes
Your constant, unprovoked deductive reasoning is making the other guests uncomfortable. There is no mystery, Holmes. Just mimosas.
“Would You Mind If I Picked Your Brain?” From a Zombie on LinkedIn
As a current job seeker, I would love nothing more than to find out what exactly those thoughts are in that big, juicy brain of yours.