It’s a New Year! Time to Set Another Realistic Goodreads Goal That You Somehow Won’t Meet
The bar gets lower every year, and you still haven't managed to clear it. But this one. This is the year. You can feel it.
Tag: Satire
I’m “John-At-The-Bar” and Whatever Billy Joel May Say, I Always Followed Corporate Policy
First off, my name is Jonathan. No one called me John, except Billy Joel. So were we really even friends?
The Four Ubers of the Apocalypse
And so I asked Conqueror if he was a new Uber driver, and he said unto me, "As a matter of fact, this is my first day driving."
Announcement: I Am Getting into Classical Music
Beethoven, Mozart, the one who wrote the song that plays during "Ocean’s 11" when they’re looking at the fountains. Yup, all those guys. And probably more.
My “Frankenstein” Is the First in Which the Monster Uses a Sweet-Ass Butterfly Knife
How many times have we seen the same old Frankenstein’s monster? So get excited, because THIS Monster stabs.
What a Cloud Thinks YOU Look Like
The other day I caught up with a gaggle of humans bobbing around in a wave pool and the first thing I thought of was “flesh corks.”
Holiday Quiz from Your Favorite Auntie Who Is Secretly Plotting against Your Mother
3. List the toys/gifts/cash you received from family members other than Auntie Abigail. (Because this auntie can top whatever you got.)
Neil Degrasse Tyson Ruins “The Night Before Christmas”
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse, Although millions of microscopic mites which live in the pores of the skin will be out to feast
FAQ: What Concerned Kids Need to Know to Keep Their Adults Safe on Facebook
Q. What is Facebook? A. It’s a great place for people to connect with others who are also lonely in the suburbs.
Cease-and-Desist Letters from Hasbro to Santa
As for the incalculable diminished commercial value you have caused us in previous years, we are willing to settle for a one-time $8 billion settlement.
Other Ways Warner Bros. Is Trying to Bury JK Rowling’s Anti-Trans Tweets
International Wizarding Day of No Technology, a new celebration where Harry Potter fans don't use modern technology while we get a handle on this PR nightmare.
A Gift Basket Is So Much More than Focaccia Crisps and a Beef Log
Just think, someone close to you took the easy way out and gifted you small quantities of randomly selected unappealing snacks.