My Weekend at Uncle Trader Joe’s Cabin in the Woods
On Friday, we hiked to a secluded waterfall, and Uncle Trader Joe held my clothes while I showered with Tea Tree Tingle Shampoo and Body Wash.
Tag: Satire
My High School Football Halftime Championship Speech
It ain't the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. I know because my cousin operates an underground dog fighting ring.
The Scourge of Sponsored Content (Brought to You By Snickers)
Honest, informative, unfettered journalism has been mutilated beyond recognition by a money-grubbing truth-assassin known as “sponsored content.”
Are You Batman? I’m Asking for a Friend
You really have to help me, Batman. My friend Jeff has a stray cat problem that could only ever be solved by the world's greatest K9 detective, Ace the Bat-Hound.
Here’s What Millennials Don’t Understand About Snakes, and Themselves
Though millennials are more likely to encounter images of snakes online than Gen Xers, they are far less likely to touch one with their own hands.
Online Dating Made Me Realize I’m the One for Me
It was on my twelfth “cheat” sign-in to a dating site when I saw something that seemed utterly impossible: I matched with myself.
Casual Letters from Kim Jong Un to the Western World
Comrade General Kok Suk Lee said writing letters is a good idea. Appeal to the capitalist lackeys in their Satanic Homelands, he said. I hope he's right.
Grammatical Errors in Suicide Notes That Cost Their Writers All Credibility
We’ve all hit send on an email prematurely without checking for grammar mistakes, but what if it's your last note ever?
Welcome to Café Douchebag
You are cordially invited to the grand opening of Café Douchebag, the hottest restaurant openly pandering to the douchebag lifestyle.
The Demonic Possession Kit: Test Your “Quiet Neighbors” for the Devil
Gone are the days of sitting around nervously waiting for that quiet nutcase to shoot up a public space. Now a single kit can test for the devil!
Study Shows Toddler Misbehavior Designed to Prepare Parents for Zombie Apocalypse
A study of 200,000 toddlers, conducted by scientists at Barnard College over 15 years, has determined that toddlers misbehave to prep their parents for doomsday scenarios.
Learn to Stop Procrastinating at The Cuddles Institute for Pathetic Psychology
Here at Cuddles, we promise that your adverse reactions to negative consequences will be so traumatizing, you'll never procrastinate again.