The Crab Apples Are Disrupting Music to Its Pretentious Core
David Peterson, The Crab Apples iconic lead singer, is a walking, talking contradiction. He is ignoring all his influences and pursing a psychedelic folksy revolution.
Tag: Satire
Seriously, Why Do Humans Only Have Five Senses?
In theory there could be infinite ways to experience a given object, but we are limited to just five. Sup with that?
I Got Caught in the Big Production Number of a Musical and It Ruined My Life
I tried to make my way to the subway stairs through the dizzying, sensual mess of choreography, but I couldn't escape the nightmare scene.
Hey, Have You Heard About Sushis?
Have you heard about sushis yet? It's the hottest new food trend, served cold and eaten with chopsticks. Stranger than that, it’s actually made of raw fish.
Pete’s Wood Employee of the Month: Mr. Hymen Clit
Mr. Hymen Clit serves as custodian here at Pete's Wood, the only lumber furniture factory utilizing only the biggest and hardest wood for superior furniture.
When Games of Thrones Characters Call Tech Support
Hello, Verizon? It's Daenerys Targaryen, the First of Her Name, Queen of the Andals and the Rhoynar and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms.
The Genius of Ryan Lochte
Shit, Jeff. I'm dead on my feet, bro. I'm exhausted. I want to go back to the Village with the guys and get some sleep and pretend this never happened.
Richard Peter Johnson is America’s New Favorite Dick
By night, Dick Peter Johnson roams the streets of skid row, the halls of prisons, and the cul-de-sacs of suburbia in search of the scumbags. By day, he dresses as Penisman.
The 2016 Rio Olympics, As Conceptualized by the Writers of HBO’s “Ballers”
A potentially devastating terrorist attack on Maracana Stadium is thwarted when Usain Bolt reaches out to ISIS leaders and makes things right.
When I Started This Business, I Never Imagined Working for Myself
I had forgotten one important factor that may determine the outcome of my business: when it comes to work, I suffer from dissociative identity disorder.
The First Draft of Melania Trump’s Convention Speech
Donald Trump believes that people will forget what you’ve said, they’ll forget what you did, but they won’t forget a 1,000 mile border wall. You love this man, and so do I.
Thank You for Considering Having Sex with Me
I would like to express my deepest gratitude for your willingness to begin the process of considering having sex with me. But first, a few matters of federal, state, and local law.