I Hath Avenged Thy Foul and Most Unnatural Murder, But I Am Still in a Fairly Bad Place Myself
‘Twas something of a bloodbath, all told, but was this not what thou asked for? Well, Happy Father’s Day.
Tag: Satire
Birdwatching Journal Highlights from the Year My Wife Cheated on Me with Our Neighbor Rick
Haven't done much birdwatching lately. Birdfeeder full of bird shit. Ex-wife and Rick going strong.
eLearning Teacher Tricks (From Ghost Hunters)
Turn on a television set in a dark room, dial into a channel that only plays static, and place both your palms against the glass.
6 Times It’s Completely Okay to Contact Your Ex
If you’re out-of-your-mind blackout wasted, prefrontal cortex operating at 0% capacity, contacting your ex is a fine way to direct your endorphins.
Credit Card Points: Your Key to the Ultimate Post-Pandemic Vacation
One credit card point can be worth 1.3 to 1.7 cents. I tried explaining this to my wife, but she was on a work call and I don’t think she really took it in.
A Series of Communiques from Your Former and Forever Meal Delivery Service
For free shipping on those meals, send a follow-up text with promo code: YESYOUCANTRACKMYPHONE.
This New Gym Is Absolutely Terrible
The equipment is hazardous and doesn’t even work. Yesterday, I pulled the power cord from Debbie’s treadmill and the thing just stopped on a dime.
5 Ways to Forget Your Ex by Redecorating
A common bedroom reno tip is to take a fancy trash can—like that gaudy, twisting, fuchsia disaster that Rachel bought—and flip it upside-down.
Tools of Titans: The Douchier Bits
Grab a vegan smoothie, plunge your feet into a bucket of ice, and allow yourself, like an eager guppy, to be reeled in by Tim Ferriss.
8 Robots You’re About to Marry (Because You Say Yes to Everything)
The U15-Humanoid Robot was granted independence by the Government or Earth, and the first thing it decided to do was find a human to marry.
Top Ten National Parks for Experiencing an Existential Crisis
Acadia: Remember when life felt like the boundless ocean view at sunrise from the top of Cadillac Mountain?
My Latest Job Rejection Email, Translated
We hope this message finds you and your loved ones healthy and safe. (We hope you have other things going for you, like parents with substantial savings.)