Global Pandemic Phone Etiquette, as Suggested by Your Mother
She is certainly allowed to raise her eyebrows when you admit you’re not seeing anyone, despite the fact that your city is still sheltering in place.
She is certainly allowed to raise her eyebrows when you admit you’re not seeing anyone, despite the fact that your city is still sheltering in place.
There is nothing more awful, insulting, and depressing than banality. / We can’t watch Netflix if you’re already watching Netflix.
Text me your name, so I have it in my phone! / How long have you been in New York? We have to get together!
You should know that the only reason I’m smiling right now is because that’s all you’ve taught me to do.
See, you’re a normal person that does normal-person things. Not me though. I’ve always been more of a figure--a figure that does public things.
Stoned college kids convincing themselves it’s really everyone else who is stoned / A yawn that never ends / Vomit splashing into a toilet
The small remote controls the volume and the tall remote controls the channels. We think that one is under the sink.
We are so blessed to be surrounded by so many awesome brand managers, heads of corporate sponsorships, and marketing coordinators.
Celebrity Talking Over Celebrity: For those of you wondering, what’s that actor from that movie doing these days? Well… it’s this!
Believers, tonight I bring you good news of unlimited talk and text to the Creator of the universe, powered by America’s best 5G network.
Since you just ate at Taco Bell, you might be interested in knowing you are 8 minutes from home, which is where your toilet is. Traffic is clear.
I need you to delete my personal Spotify account. As you browse the artists and titles in my library you will see why I need this to happen.