Your Holiday Guide to Not Supporting Local Artists
Enjoy this quaint seasonal attraction while skillfully dodging pesky shop attendants!
Enjoy this quaint seasonal attraction while skillfully dodging pesky shop attendants!
He calls me at night. He tells me how it took you months to manage a barely passable F-chord, and how you thought you'd actually achieved something.
I finish my first Peloton class and am so proud of myself I have a small panic attack. You can get panic attacks from joy, right?
Marilyn Brewster was surrounded by loved ones including her beautiful, perfect daughter Deborah who I could make so happy if she’d return my calls.
This residency is fully funded and exists in an alternate universe where the words fully funded do not mean we give you funds.
You have a sense of inferiority to people with innies, but a sense of superiority to kangaroos and other marsupials that lack belly buttons.
Oh, is turkey a Thanksgiving item too? I guess I never really noticed, until now. Sure, maybe just go ahead and don’t make that one either.
For a fun coordinated touch, make sure that you’ve got a few hollowed-out pumpkins for your guests to vomit into if they indulge in too many.
You can either let those lemons get you down, or you can absolutely crush the shit out of those lemons by channeling the inebriated fury of Thor.
Just thinking about it gets me so angry. It makes me want to explicitly slice Raphael instead of the usual implicit slicing I do.
Despite being “Employee of the Month” at the Chili’s I work at, this pales in comparison to the abysmal feeling of not being a billionaire.
An amazing opportunity to find quiet time and space for spiritual healing is as you sink to the ground clutching a fatal stab wound.