An Open Letter to Arbor Day
I'm warning you: they won't stop until Arbor Day becomes Firewood Day.
I'm warning you: they won't stop until Arbor Day becomes Firewood Day.
“My moon is in Sagittarius, so I shut down emotionally to cope with stress! I told you that on Christmas after I punched that mall Santa!”
Historically (more for you than for me as I'm hundreds of years old), gold values increase during dips in international trade.
With the smell of Elmer's glue and viscosity of frozen molasses, Ghost Lube by Karl Lagerfeld is a must-have at a mere $4,500 per bottle.
Exercising, befriending co-workers, and taking hostages are great ways to cheer yourself up in an otherwise dismal new year!
I noticed that when my grandmother powered on her MXB39FLB7 it made a series of uncharacteristic clicking sounds prior to her detonation.
Get ready for that not-so-candid "candid" photo by the Christmas tree of the bride-to-be looking up at her 2-inch-taller groom like he's on a ladder.
The kids seem to want a chemistry kit, an iPhone, and a Kylie Jenner lip-gloss contraption. Santa will be furious with their capitalistic greed.
Did you hear my kindergarten teacher Mrs. Applebaum passed away? She was only 67. Really makes you appreciate that Halloween mug, doesn't it?
I saw your Craigslist ad about needing a date to your office holiday party. Here's more about me and why you should take me as your plus one!
Just in time for Christmas, download "A Pilgrim's Weighty Choice" from the App Store and find top-rated, authentic local nativities!
First of all, son, I'm not angry with you for peeking downstairs. I just want you to tell Daddy more about the man you saw Mommy kissing, okay?