We, the Deep State, Concede That All Your Conspiracy Theories Are True
In 1960 at our Annual Goat Blood-A-Palooza & Family Fun Day, we saw a vision of you, the chosen one. We’ve been trying to sabotage you ever since.
Tag: History
The Trump Tapes You Haven’t Heard Yet
“My good friend General Tojo, who is very respected and very highly uhhh... I guess thought of, is going to bomb Pearl Harbor tomorrow."
Other Historic Calamities Caused by Gender Reveal Parties
World War I (1914-1918) – Bosnian-Herzegovian couple Davud and Emina give their guests blue toy guns to fire into the streets of Sarajevo.
Luke Skywalker’s Letter to His Father (With Help from Franz Kafka)
Franz takes issue with his dad for unsolicited career advice and "being a bit of a tyrant" (wait until he meets you, not that it's a competition).
A Letter from the Furies to President Trump Updating His Torture Policy to Include ABBA
Subsequent to receiving this letter, you will hear ABBA songs inside your head everywhere you go, no matter what you happen to be doing.
20th Century Gothic Fiction Advertisements
When your body dies, want your mind to stay alive? Sure, you do! With HAUNTED LIVING, LLC implant your ghost in any solid object.
Nostradamus Got 2020 All Wrong
While people escape outdoors / There will be shortage the like of which was never seen / As masses storm stores / For parchment used to keep clean
Junk Mail, If It Were Written as Victorian Love Letters
Though the sun may soon set on this discount code, my passion for your touch shall never fade!
Yes, The School Is Inside an Active Volcano, But We Need to Send the Children Back In
What could be more healthy than taking a spelling test while boulders—such as the one that just flattened Senator Constantine—fall from the sky?
I’m the Ghost of Pythagorus and I Can’t Go to My Light Until You Believe the Earth Is Round
Despite my best efforts to educate the public, the Flat Earth Reddit page has doomed me to roam this very large and very round earth until the end of time.
It Pains Me to Give a 1-Star Review to the Re-Opened Colonial Williamsburg, but the Actors’ N95 Masks Were Obviously Historically Inaccurate
How am I supposed to believe a real colonial woman is teaching me to churn butter, when her flawless colonial outfit is tainted by latex gloves?
TV Shows from the Middle Ages Not Picked Up After Their Pilots
Hung, Drawn, and Quartered - Contestants sketch public executions, and the contestant with the worst drawing each week is in turn sentenced to death.