Because We Care: Our New Corporate Wellness Program for Disgusting Pigs Like You
We care about your wellbeing because we don’t need your fat ass jacking up our healthcare costs.
Tag: Health
A Slate of Upcoming Films From the Producers Who Brought You “Long Shot”
When Allisyn awakens in his bedroom filled with Reservoir Dogs posters and empty Gatorade bottles, she’s charmed. Starring Gal Gadot and Seth Rogen.
Believable Fake Identities You Can Use to Catfish Your Ex
Despite his many attempts, your ex will never so much as FaceTime with Mia, because her iPhone “can’t take calls outside the Pacific Time Zone.”
Awkward Conversations With Your Self-Driving Uber
You: Uber, why are we taking Broadway? Uber: We are briefly stopping at your ex-girlfriend Karen’s house on the way. You two need to talk…
Incomplete Drafts of My Cover Letter for a Summer Internship
Dear Joan, I looked up your name on LinkedIn---because that’s how much I care about this job. I seriously need you to hire me.
If You Should Chance to Find This Message, Tell the World That I Did Not Enjoy the Last Episode of “Game of Thrones”
My lifeboat has sprung several leaks. They pale in comparison to the multitude of plot and character holes in this final season.
7 Mother’s Day Gifts That Mom Won’t Like or Use
Diamonds might be a girl’s best friend, but a heart-shaped blurry photo on printer paper is her other best friend.
Why You Should Reelect Me to the St. Anthony Parish Council
Many of you hare aware of the plumbing issue recently discovered in the sacristy toilet, a situation Father David referred to as “a test of faith.”
A Letter to My (Former) Stock Photo Casting Agent
“You won’t be needing that anymore,” you told me “from now on, you’re known as ‘sad male employee burns mouth on coffee too hot office man.'”
Modern Male Authors Rework Literary Classics by Women
"A Room of One’s Own" by Stieg Larsson: But, you may say, we asked you to speak about women who don’t take any shit and the stories they tell
5 Essential Oils to Save the Realm
Have you suffered a fall from a tower, leaving you hobbled and with a third eye? Try a few drops of ginger, basil, or turmeric for bone health.
Everyday Tasks That Are Impossible With Someone Watching
Cooking for Friends: This is just like a quick-fire challenge on Top Chef: there’s a time crunch and four people watching.