Gordon Ramsay Reviews Your Valentine’s Day Date
I suppose oysters are a noted aphrodisiac, but even those could never overpower the terrifying sight of your lover’s haircut.
Tag: Food
Please Take Notice: If You Ordered an IHOP Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity Breakfast between March 14, 2016 and August 4, 2017, You May Be Entitled to Compensation
If you ate all that, we’re astonished you are alive to read this notice. Your arteries must be as hard as bricks.
Perfect Songs for 12 Scenarios When You’re Shaving Parmesan over a Plate of Fettuccine Alfredo and Waiting for the Patron to Say “When”
When it’s clear the patron isn’t saying “when” anytime soon and your mind starts to wander.
I Found My Soulmate, and He’s an Instant Pot
The Instant Pot is everything you want in a partner: dependable, easy to understand, warm, generous, creative, talented, and great in the kitchen!
Suggestions from the Suggestion Box at My Teppanyaki Restaurant Where I Make All the Food with My Bare Hands
Posting signage around the restaurant that says, “We Pinky Promise We Washed Our Hands Before Returning To Work,” is not comforting.
Mice Review My Kitchen from Grad School
If you’re used to other eateries in the area, you might be surprised by the cold, but we didn’t mind cuddling up.
I’m Bob from the Bob’s Red Mill Grain Bags, and I Want to Inhale a Family-Size Bag of Flamin’ Hot Fucking Cheetos
Have you ever fucking had a Flamin’ Hot Cheeto? Multiply that by fucking 800 and you’ll get an inkling about what the goddamn fuck I’m getting at.
Doritos’ “Bold Togetherness” Pitch to Rebrand the CDC
Doritos, we’re nothing but consistent. Doritos are always crunchy. We never give conflicting guidance on how to enjoy Doritos.
All the Species Darwin Discovered in the Galapagos Islands, and How They Tasted
How could two islands of near-identical climate, geology, and elevation give rise to two such distinct, yet delicious creatures? Science rocks.
A Gift Basket Is So Much More than Focaccia Crisps and a Beef Log
Just think, someone close to you took the easy way out and gifted you small quantities of randomly selected unappealing snacks.
The Marketing Pitch for Pears
Pears have all the qualities you love in an apple, but with a fresh, edgy, devil-may-care attitude.
‘Tis the Season to Eat a Whole Lot of Snow!
Isn't it beautiful? Doesn't it make you want to grab your snow-spoon and scoop as much as you can up into your mouth?