I Resent the Placenta in My Freezer
I like the idea of burying it next to a tree. But since we can’t even keep the racoons and possums out of the compost bin, that’s not happening.
I like the idea of burying it next to a tree. But since we can’t even keep the racoons and possums out of the compost bin, that’s not happening.
Do you think I’m a nice person? Do you think I’m full of rage? Crap, I’m turning my apology into a plea for validation. I hate when I do that.
I read that there’s a path to your brain behind your eye, which may or may not be true, and I may or may not have read it, but no one can deny eyes are important.
An evening workshop is held in a dark alley by "pain management specialists" in Purdue Pharmaceutical shirts, menacingly brandishing baseball bats.
What should have been a detailed account of how you navigated the labyrinth of deception and red herrings is forever tainted by an itchy throat.
28. Accidentally get poo on your fingers. 29. Question how humankind can get a person on the moon but can’t develop a less primitive way to procure stool samples.
In a recent study performed by scientists, 96% of scientists said that the things scientists are said to have said do not represent the full spectrum of things scientists say.
DOCTOR: First, your brain. It’s no good. You have a condition known as neuromaniacosis. It means you whine too much.
"It's taking up a third of your neck and appears to have green veins extending from it. This can't be good." -Dr. Jennifer Miller, DDS
Ask your doctor if Gamora is right for you. If your doctor says it is, wow, that’s a pretty ballsy doctor you've got there. I mean, this shit can literally kill you.
I've always wanted to donate my body to something greater than myself. But I need assurance that my penis will not be the subject of any sort of entertainment or fun.
No sense in paying all this money for Obamacare when the end is near. Expensive, too expensive, when we're all going to die anyway. You should love the AHCA.