How to Plan Your Totally Jacked, DIY Vasectomy
1. Avoid the hospital. Doctors are for women, children, and Abercrombie & Fitch shoppers. You’re a man with capable hands and DIY spirit.
Tag: Doctors
Open Up and Say “Ariana Grande”
He then directed me to look at the 2019 Coachella poster. “It’s the perfect tool for measuring your Cool levels. It works just like an eye chart.”
Thank You for Calling Divided Health!
You'll be on hold for at least 45 minutes before you hang up in an impotent rage, so may I help you with anything else before I transfer you over?
I, The Boogeyman, Think You Should Vaccinate Your Child
What’s the point of locating a family to scare and waiting under a bed, if when I crawl out to scare the kid, they’re not even in there?
The Summer Spotify Playlist Your Therapist Made for You
"Someone New" by Hozier - Listen, I KNOW we put your love life on hold for the last three appointments but think of it as a fun little game.
Prescriptions for Thy Modern Maladies From Me, A Plague Doctor
Phone Addiction: In the pocket where ye usually keep your phone, keep instead a hairy, spindle-shanked, venomous spider. Incur bites until cured.
Welcome to Camp Sunshine! Please Read Our 2019 Camp Policies
Camp Sunshine opens its doors at 8:55 every morning. Please drive carefully because although we have 125 campers, we only have 11 legal parking spots.
Are Vaccines Safe? And Other Legitimate Medical Questions From Ordinary People
When I give blood, does the needle the doctors use make a hole in my arm that a ghost could get into?
Mr. Peanut Addresses His 23andMe Results
For years you’ve trusted me as the man/peanut hybrid from uncertain origins who loved one thing and one thing alone: selling Planter’s Peanuts.
I’m the Hot Doctor on This Network Hospital Show and I’m Breaking All the Rules Today
ALL of our doctors are SEXY, except for the uptight woman in neurology. Don't worry, she'll BECOME sexy when I convince her to take off her glasses.
Congratulations on the Birth of Your Child, That Will Be $765,047.04
Thank you for using America’s Health Care, Inc. If we do not receive payment within 14 days, we will escalate to an even more sternly worded letter.
5 Signs Your Boyfriend is Just Your New Dermatologist
He introduced you to his "new assistant" Linda, who will be asking you a few questions before he sees you. He's already trying to add another woman?