If Bachelorette Contestants Were Burger King Menu Items
100% white meat between a mayonnaise-soaked bun, this Trump-supporter gets drunk off vodka cranberries and admits that he’s never met a black person.
Tag: Dating
Open Letter to the Guy I’ve Been Dating in My Mind for 18 Months
I asked you on a date in my head and pretend-you said yes. This confirmed it; you are a kind-hearted guy who can see the potential in me.
This Date Isn’t Going So Great, So I’ll Pretend I’m In the NHL Playoffs
I don’t know if you’re feeling it watching from up there in the studio but down here on the ice, you can just feel the absence of emotion and energy.
8 Things You Should Never Say on a First Date
Negative and disgusting things you should save until at least the second date, if you're lucky enough to get that far.
An Open Letter to the Adult Man in Target Who Decided He Didn’t Want Keebler’s Coconut Dreams
As I picked up the box of cookies, I imagined a world where everyone thought it was okay to leave items they didn’t want anymore wherever they please.
If Amazon and the Postal Service Were Two Teenage Boys in Forbidden Love
trump: jeff if you hang up on me i will have to talk directly to your— (jeff bezos hangs up)
“It’s Only a Funeral” Dating Service
How awful is it to find someone you think is perfect, only to have them flake out the first time you encounter a tragedy?
30 More Practical Uses for Donald Trump’s Hair
#15: A renewable source of shitty Target sweaters through the year 3035. #18: Stopper for a Jiffy Lube grease pit.
GoodTime®, The Hot New Dating App
It’s like being teleported to any Texaco lavatory in the tri-county area without having to leave the comfort of your living room!
A Healthy Guide for Dealing With Loneliness
Watching other people play video games on YouTube, crying, and masturbating hasn't helped you find anybody yet. So, what's the real problem?
I am Unemployed and My Girlfriend is Starting to Notice
You're a 31-year-old seventh grader living with the love of your life, and you're so unemployed it hurts. These tricks will keep your partner at bay.
5 Rihanna Remixes Your Not-Gay Boyfriend Knows You’ll Love
For the Lost Kings "Work" remix, always say "werk" in lieu of "work." As your adamantly heterosexual boyfriend says, "It's better to twerk, girl!"