Franz Kafka’s “The Thesis”
K. often wondered if he had become trapped in a time loop, like that movie Palm Springs. “My thesis is 467 pages long. What else is there to do?”
Tag: College
Delta Kappa Fraternity’s COVID-Safe Procedures for Hazing You Worthless Pieces of Filth
What did you say, maggot? You’ve got “a fever”? Dude, go get that checked out right now. Brother Cody, open the window.
A Gloating Letter from the Dean of the University of Phoenix
Well, would you look at that. Normally everyone condescends to us and makes fun of online college, but now I guess we’re all in the same boat.
Tending the Register of a College Town Liquor Store
You too would like to manage the front desk of a dilapidated alcohol peddler who mostly sells Malibu rum to teenagers with fake IDs.
My Life as an Empty Nester, According to Concerned Family and Friends
Deep, deep down, I do miss cleaning the bathroom after my son eats Chipotle’s Super Burrito with extra queso.
An Obituary for Your “College Friends” Group Chat
The college group chat will be remembered for its many colorful names, conferred by different members of the chat across its 11 years of existence.
Self-Affirmations for the President of Your University
I deserve my on-campus mansion. I am enough for my on-campus mansion. No one can take my on-campus mansion from me.
Let Me Tell You About My Very Profitable, Benevolent Brand
And before you get skeptical or overthink our business model, this is NOT slave labor repackaged as a benevolent good.
If I Can’t Backpack Through Europe, How Am I Supposed to Discover Myself?
How am I supposed to get people to think I’m cultured and experienced if I don’t have the selfies with European landmarks to prove it?
I Hope This Email Finds You
My boss trusted me enough to get coffee and sometimes even pick up an occasional muffin. In addition, I became well-versed in Excel.
My Only Job Option Is to Play Professional Baseball
There's no better job out of college than playing in the MLB. Great pay, fame, and most of the time you’re standing around and not doing anything.
Get Someone Out of Your Life By Sending Them Your Screenplay
Persistent Car Salesman: Hi, Jared, it’s me, Buddy (at least that’s the name you call me by). Well… I’ve written a screenplay!