Romeo and Juliet Respond to an Apartment Listing
Is there a balcony where I can easily repledge my devotion to my true love? There simply must be a balcony.
Tag: Books
I Deserve to Be PTA President Even Though I Spent Our Entire Budget on a Magic Globe
The Globe Master pulled a tiny globe the size of a McIntosh apple from under his top hat and asked if I wanted to “go for a spin.”
Excerpt from “Norse Mythology for Bostonians: A Transcription of the Impudent Edda”
Brady: Known as Balder & nicknamed the White or the Beautiful, Brady is the most attractive of the gods, and most popular since he started playing QB.
I, John Bolton, Will Happily Testify about My White House Erotic Fantasy Novela
Mary Anne is a hawkish White House staffer in her late-20s who drafts war plans with Iran which never quite climax, but her sexual plans always do.
The Raven Files a Formal Complaint Against Abusive Customer Edgar Allan Poe
But when I began to say, “Nevermore Courier Service requires your signature for this same-day trowel delivery,” I only got the first word out.
Every Book Ad You’ll See When Your Kindle Goes to Sleep
Hard-nosed private investigator Sarah Cream never thought she needed a man—until she met the mysterious (and mysteriously hunky) Peach brothers.
Ignatius J. Reilly: The Later Rants
Nixon Resignation (1974): Oh, Fortuna, the revolutions of your wheel pile even the masters into the muck.
I Am a Character in a Dystopian Novel, and I Think Your World Kind of Sucks
To be fair, at least you know your “vote” counts as much as everyone else’s, whereas in our system---Wait, the electoral what?!
Please Hire Me to Be Your Gatsby Party’s Nick Carraway
In a corner with a martini covering 75% of my face, I can weave an intricate tapestry of all the backroom drama unfolding behind closed doors.
Five Best End-Of-Year Listicles to Distract from Your Deepening Existential Crisis
Fifty Best Books of the 2010s: Uh-oh, might as well skip this listicle. We both know you didn’t read fifty books in the 2010s.
Democratic Politicians Narrate “Moby Dick”
Bernie Sanders: Call me whatever name you want. At the end of the day, I am the only sailor who has the guts to fight for real change on this ship.
What to Get the Person Who Has Everything
The Multi-Millionaire: They have it all. The husband, the mansion, the coke addiction. What could you, their friend in low places, get them?