I Run Social Media for Your Local Craft Distillery, and I Can Photograph Bottles from Every Angle
I can photograph them from straight away with the bottle centered, straight away with the bottle slightly off-center to the left...
Tag: Bars
I Wrote the “Cool S” on Every Bar Bathroom Wall, and the Pandemic Has Been Hard for Me
Some of my other ubiquitous work is "Call Your Mom" and "Single-Line, Semi-Erect Penis and Balls, With Hair Sprigs."
A Guide to All the “Bar Rescue” TV You’re Watching in Quarantine
A guide to TV shows ranging from "Bar Rescue" to "Bar Rescue Rescue Rescue Rescue Rescue Rescue Rescue Rescue Rescue," and everything in between.
How to Properly Dispose of a Worn or Damaged Barstool Sports Flag
If you spilled Narragansett on the flag upon learning the Joker wasn’t from New England or you ripped the flag when you heard Barstool writers were unionizing.
Jury Duty Is Rebranding as Justice Festival
As you enter the courthouse, you will get a trendy wristband. This unlocks special access to the “VIP Pit” also known as the “Enormous Waiting Area.”
I’m Thrilled to Announce That REI Is Sponsoring My Dirty Laundry Pile as a Top Climbing Destination
A treacherous, smelly laundry pile mountain with its own micro-ecosystem, flora/fauna/foot fungus found nowhere else, and several documentaries.
I’m Your Local Craft Brewery, And I’m Inviting You to Bring Your Kids Over and Get Hammered in the Daytime
Feel free to make your kids play Connect Four while you pound some Child Hopbandonment, my extra-high-ABV double IPA.
This Week’s Pub Trivia Theme Is My Unjust Firing as Quizmaster
You also get free points if you have advice on what to do when your beloved pet gets evicted from his favorite shelf in a seldom-used closet.
When Children Try to Write Adult Fiction
"What is your job?" Wilmott said. "I work in an office," said Gorge. "My boss keeps turtles in a tank. Sometimes I have to feed them."
Old-Fashioned Ways to Meet Someone, for the Modern Day
Using the Instagram photos you got at the wedding, pick your poison: "does improv," "romantic photos with sibling," or "talks a lot about sneakers."
Behold! Der American Adventures of Das EuroDad!
Mein gott, his calves are whiter than the snowcapped peaks of the Swiss Alps. Achtung, baby!
Literal Evergreen Humor for Literal Evergreens
Why couldn’t the palm tree go to the ski resort in Switzerland? Because it was alpine and also they are not native to the temperate climatic zone.