Word Problems for Millennial Post-Grad Trips
Steven, traveling solo, wants to post an Instagram of his ravioli. But Germany is 6 hours ahead, so he risks his picture bombing if he posts it now.
Tag: Bars
It’s Me, the Brooding Whiskey Drinker Who Definitely Understands How Bars Work
Surely you can tell by the creases under my eyes and the lingering scent of nitroglycerin that I’ve had a rough one.
Thank You for Your Interest in This Unattainable Writing Position!
Based out of our offices located inside the spire of One World Trade Center, and we’d love to work with YOU (until the next round of layoffs).
Various Life Crises You Will Undergo
Quarter of a Quarter Life Crisis: Age 6. You will cope by throwing tantrums before bedtime and refusing to share your trucks with Jeremy.
Ain’t Nobody Else Getting Up to This Here Bar
There isn't a law on the books or rule of decorum that will get us to budge. Civilization has no hold over us this deep in the crowd.
All the Reasons No One Attends Your Open Mic
Your open mic is in the gap between worlds, accessible only to the chosen, the mad, and people you like. So, it’s kind of a booked open mic.
New Employee Handbook for the Public Pool Snack Bar
All lifeguards are entitled to one free snack per day. In exchange, all snack bar employees are entitled to one free rescue per day. Make it count.
Sons of Scotland! We’re Meeting for After-Battle Drinks at Aberdeen’s Pub
Those men aren’t fighting for freedom, like us! We have uncommon courage. And it takes uncommon courage to be at Aberdeen’s right at 6.
My Wife Has Put Her Foot Down: No More Sexting the Bride of Frankenstein
The Bride of Frankenstein and I actually had a lot in common. Like her, my fiercest critics have also called me an affront to God.
The Body Isn’t a Wonderland: Some Suggestions to Improve Pregnancy
Is there any way to make the heartburn shoot actual flames out of our mouths? That would be a nice party trick.
The Newborn’s Guide to Saving Up for Retirement
You can Airbnb your crib to other infants and sleep in your playpen. Make sure to charge them for the blanket, the mobile, and the cleaning fee.
Quiz: Are You Rupert Holmes’s Lady?
2. At your nephew’s bar mitzvah, Rupert “reluctantly” agrees to sing “Escape (the Piña Colada Song)” for the guests. What describes what happens next: