Spiders are Ruining My Life
It's been another year living with severe arachnophobia. After an in-class incident with a spider, I realized that they are now personally fucking with my education.
Tag: Animals
7 Colossal Failures at Animal Cuteness on the Internet
Failing to catch your baby or tiny animal being cute is like going into the kitchen to make instant ramen, and setting fire to the sink. Here are seven failures.
Introducing the New GoogleCat
Cats are great. They're cute, they're cuddly, and they do funny things. But GoogleCat is everything your cat will never be.
The Sheepdog and the Bathroom Disaster
Way back in the day, my buddy Chenz wanted me to hook up with this girl with huge cans named Kiara. It turns out we both liked boozing and screwing, so things looked pretty good.
Copdog, M.D.: The Greatest TV Show Ever (on CBS)
Imagine if you can, a wolf-husky hybrid with different colored eyes , who is the lead murder detective in his state, and who moonlights as the top diagnostician in the nation.
Smoking Doobies with My Doggy
I've finally made a decision: the first drug I'm going to try is weed, and my first partner in crime is going to be my dog, because the conversation is going to be amazing.
My Childhood Pets
My second ever pet was a hamster. Her full name was Cooper the Super Duper Pooper (I was like, 6, and still maintain that rhyming is cool). Like any six year old, I wanted to hug my new best friend.
Cat Fancy Subscription Cancelled: Need Fixed Immediately!!!
There's nothing better in life than cuddling up in my living room with my two cats and my Cat Fancy magazines. So you can imagine how utterly devastated I was when I walked down to my mailbox this afternoon and pulled out Dog Fancy!!
My Adopted Dog is Totally Neurotic
There are two things keeping my boxer Tessa and I from having that perfect fairytale family. One: she is neurotic, and two: I'm a horrible dog-mommy.
I’m Buggin’ Over Stink Bugs (Halomorpha halys)
The arch nemesis of this war chronicle is the Brown Marmorated Stink Bug, something that looks like it crawled/flew right out of the Jurassic Period.
It’s Not You, It’s Your Dog
We've been together for a year, but I can't do this anymore. Not only do I hate your retarded dog, I hate you for subjecting me to it, under the guise that he would somehow improve.
Grizzly Murder: Sarah Palin Killed My Dog
Sarah Palin murdered a 9-year-old girl in Arizona the other day. It'’s true. I read it on CNN. Her death is a tragedy and Grizzly Mama is very clearly evil.