My Childhood Pets
My second ever pet was a hamster. Her full name was Cooper the Super Duper Pooper (I was like, 6, and still maintain that rhyming is cool). Like any six year old, I wanted to hug my new best friend.
Tag: Animals
Cat Fancy Subscription Cancelled: Need Fixed Immediately!!!
There's nothing better in life than cuddling up in my living room with my two cats and my Cat Fancy magazines. So you can imagine how utterly devastated I was when I walked down to my mailbox this afternoon and pulled out Dog Fancy!!
My Adopted Dog is Totally Neurotic
There are two things keeping my boxer Tessa and I from having that perfect fairytale family. One: she is neurotic, and two: I'm a horrible dog-mommy.
I’m Buggin’ Over Stink Bugs (Halomorpha halys)
The arch nemesis of this war chronicle is the Brown Marmorated Stink Bug, something that looks like it crawled/flew right out of the Jurassic Period.
It’s Not You, It’s Your Dog
We've been together for a year, but I can't do this anymore. Not only do I hate your retarded dog, I hate you for subjecting me to it, under the guise that he would somehow improve.
Grizzly Murder: Sarah Palin Killed My Dog
Sarah Palin murdered a 9-year-old girl in Arizona the other day. It'’s true. I read it on CNN. Her death is a tragedy and Grizzly Mama is very clearly evil.
I’m Buggin’ over Cave Crickets (Rhaphidophoridae)
One of my biggest nemeses in the insect world is the cave cricket, something that quite literally crawled its way out from the depths of the underworld.
Potential Observations on Dandruff, Penguins and Email
My most embarrassing misconception: I always thought penguins were as tall as humans. There's never anything in Antarctica to reference their size!
5 Ways to Tell If Your Dog is a Communist
We all love our dogs. But there is a very real and frightening issue of the growing communist threat. Here are five ways to tell if your dog is a Pinko.
Why Don’t Mirrors Blow My Dog’s Fuckin’ Mind?
<p>Today, I thought I was doing my dog a favor, that favor being blowing her fuckin' mind, man. But when I held up a big mirror to her today, she reacted as if I told her (or anyone) that Mark McGuire admitted using steroids.</p><p>She was a stone cold bitch, and while I like that in women, I don't in dogs. </p>
Canada Geese: The New Terrorist Threat
<p><img src="/files/u46/geese.jpg" alt="" width="361" height="427" /> </p>
How to Decontaminate Your Radioactive Hamster
There are a lot of bad things that can happen to people in this screwed-up world, but there's nothing worse than discovering your hamster is contaminated.