How to Get Revenge on Your Roommate Who’s a Protester
I'm not saying that these steps will permanently get rid of YOUR own live-in activist, but for the good of America, shouldn't you at least try?
Tag: Anger
The Stages of Grief as They Apply to the Time You Microwaved Your Hot Dog for Way Too Long
So you burnt your weiner and almost burned down your kitchen. Perfect time to learn how to cope with life's tragedies.
5 People I Hate on the NYC Subway
I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say that no one gets on the subway to make friends. Go away, Overly Social Dude.
10 Things You Can Do with Your Political Opinions Instead of Sharing Them on Facebook
When you get that irresistible urge to post a story about a scandal involving the political candidate you dislike, whisper the news into a seashell.
Kids These Days: Can We Go Back to Non-Murdery Anger and Revenge Techniques?
Kids need to learn that the old school tactics of not killing a person, but killing their will to live, is much safer and rewarding.
Especially Bitter Selections from Hallmark’s “Rancor Collection”
For the lovable loser in your life: It seems like just yesterday you were in kindergarten… Now you work at Best Buy.
Forgetting Your Password: The Five Stages of Grief
There's no way I entered this incorrectly; I watched myself do it the right way ten times now. Why would I get my password wrong? It's MY password.
Just Because My Name is Robert Poopinmyunderwear Does Not Mean You Can Call Me “Bob”
My father, Robert Earl Poopinmyunderwear, brought prosperity to this town. Poopinmyunderwear Diapers are the top selling pants guards for feces-conscious adults.
Even the Animals Have Turned Their Backs on You
Have you noticed that your life has taken a hard left turn into the pits of hell? Now, even members of the animal kingdom are trying to distance themselves from you.
5 Reasons It’s Fun to Be the Bad Guy
History will show, and has shown, that the "good" have always been those who conquer, screw over, and suppress. It's what comes naturally.
Your Pet May Be Trying to Kill You
As pet owners, we like to think that our dog or cat loves us as much as we love them. But sometimes the reality of the situation is, your pet would rather eliminate you.
My Personal Beef with Cole Hamels
After about half an hour on hold, the host of the radio show finally came through and asked me: "What's your beef with Philadelphia sports?" Cole Hamels of course.