The Seven Stages of Dealing with the Inability to Pierce a Grape Tomato with a Fork
First comes shock and denial, as it just keeps rolling around the plate, inviting a game of cat and mouse. Except here, it's not a game, it's REAL LIFE.
Tag: Anger
I Don’t Care About the Size of Your Penis, But I Do Hate You
I know you didn't choose to be so poorly-endowed. But you did choose to be an unbearable asshole, and I want to be clear about my contempt for your very existence.
6 Life Lessons They Won’t Teach You in College
What you never learned is that you're a replaceable peon, your career means nothing, your marriage will fail, and nobody loves you. Don't worry though, you were a mistake to begin with.
Kim Jong Un’s Inspiring Halftime Speech After a Failed Missile Test
"You really think you deserve to destroy America after a test like that? My father and grandfather are rolling in their graves right now at the thought."
King Kong Will Ultimately Be Responsible for a Real-Life Planet of the Apes
It's hard to know whether King Kong would have wanted this war to occur. But he alone will be ultimately responsible for causing all apes to unite under one banner and revolt.
How to Publicly Ruin Someone’s Life
Guaranteed ways to publicly destroy the reputation of enemies ranging from your former employer or romantic partner, to a professional rival or your spouse's psycho ex.
How to Deal With Being Bullied at Camp
Being bullied at camp is much different than being bullied at school, at home, on the internet, or at a Game of Thrones cosplay convention.
Just Caught My Son Crandley YouTubing BMX on a School Night
Some nights I lie awake, wondering, is my son a nancy ass? Now, I fear the worst?: that he harbors dreams of a future in social work.
The Incredibly Intimate Hulk: Confessions of an Aging Superhero
I have a confession to make: I'm the man behind the Incredible Hulk. But I've gotten older and my angry shenanigans have become tiresome over the years.
The Annoying Realities of Being Robbed
However it plays out, someone will target you, steal from you, and leave you angrier than you’ve ever felt in your life.
Trump University Announces Six New Courses for 2017
In "PS 102 - The New Racism" we'll show you how to dismiss any challenge to your racist views—no matter how valid—as liberal "political correctness" run amok.
The Only Thing We Have to Fear is Fear Itself—And Everything Else
What would be the countless ripples born by an administration that insists that the only thing to fear is not fear itself, but the consequences of hope?