Ho Ho Ho, I’ve Updated Your Privacy Policy
But if Mr Zuckerberg thinks that now I will finally bring him that Tickle Me Elmo, he is wrong. He was a bad boy then and he's an even badder boy now.
Tag: Legal
Assembly Instructions for a Bullshit Thing You Didn’t Need Anyway
Do not assemble in a wet location. Do not assemble at altitudes lower than two thousand (2000) miles below sea level. Do not assemble in a sea.
5 Surefire Ways to Get Elton John to Come to Your Open-Casket Funeral
Write “Elton” on your left hand and “John” on your right hand, zoom in, and make it look like Elton John himself is removing your space helmet.
Your Mission, Should You Choose to Accept It, Is to Get My Stepson Keith to Stop Yelling “You’ve Got That Silly Putty Dick” at Me
You’re the best goddamned spy we’ve got in the service, but the day you TRULY become a spy is the day you get my stepson to show me some respect.
The Many Phones of Michael Cohen
7. Michael Cohen calls his tailors with this phone. When ordering suits he tends to use the phrase “make someone notice me, please.”
If Amazon and the Postal Service Were Two Teenage Boys in Forbidden Love
trump: jeff if you hang up on me i will have to talk directly to your— (jeff bezos hangs up)
Even If We Ban Guns, Someone Would Invent a Machine With a Different Name That Does the Same Thing
The liberals, they're wrong, we can't ban guns. Even if we made guns illegal, someone would reinvent guns and just call them something else.
The Kids You Went to High School With Who are Definitely in Prison Now
13. The Kid That Pretended Fun Dip Was Cocaine Arrest Record: Oh, definitely real cocaine Common Names: Skyler, Dana, Jonah
Memorandum to Our DC Law Office RE: New Business
The "Gold-Gilt Family Plan," for multiple members of the same family that are involved in the same case.
Introducing Old Navy Body Armor!
When you’re wearing this tweed, you’ll (hopefully) never have to bleed! These battle blazers are made of our strongest tungsten chainmail.
How to Interpret Requests for Lawyer Animals
“Give me a lawyer penguin.” This suspect would like to be represented by Danny Devito’s Penguin from the classic Batman Returns.
Transcript of Donald Trump’s Interview with Sean Hannity
Let's get right into the meat of it: immigration. We're going to stop saying "carne" in this country, aren't we, Mr. President?