Me: So, you can hang out tonight? Wife gave you a pass?
Chip: Shut the fuck up, man. I do what I want. It's not like that.
Me: Damn, man. Don't get so testy. It was just a joke.
Chip: It happens to be true for a lot of guys and it sucks. That's not how I live.
Me: Sorry, dude. Oh, and I think I'm obligated to put this exchange in the snippets.
Chip: Whatever.
Random Cardinal Fan: What's your religion? I'm Mormon.
Me: I'm of the menopausal religion.
Wine Keeper: I'm Catholic.
Random Cardinal Fan: A Methodist and a Catholic, huh?
Wine Keeper: The strange thing is Nate, he got the right answer anyway.
Me: Your religion is the weirdest one in America.
Random Cardinal Fan: Man, that's cold.
Wine Keeper: Yeah man, and it's not true.
Me: Name one that's weirder than Mormonism.
Wine Keeper: Umm? Scientology.
Me: True enough, I guess.
Wine Keeper: Why are you wearing flip flops in the rain?
Me: I like these flip flops.
Wine Keeper: I would think that you would like not falling down a lot more than you would like your flip flops, but you know I'm not you. Thank God.
Me: Good to see you again.
Wine Keeper: Hey man, you too.
Wine Keeper: So how does it feel?
Random Braves Fan: How does what feel?
Wine Keeper: How does it feel being in the home stadium of the reigning World Champions?
Random Braves Fan: Y'all gonna lose tonight.
Wine Keeper: What's that? I can't hear you over all this reigning? ness.
Random Braves Fan: What?
Wine Keeper: I said you suck.
Me: Having a good day?
Lambert Airport Employee: No.
Me: I'm sorry to hear that.
Lambert Airport Employee: What do you care?
Me: Have a nice day.
Lambert Airport Employee: Whatever.
Random Guy in Line: That chick's in a foul mood.
Me: Yeah, but she's got a crappy job. I mean, she just sits there and looks at IDs and boarding passes all day.
Random guy in Line: Screw that. She sits. I don't feel bad for anyone while they're sitting at work unless they're getting audited.
Me: I hope you don't mind if I steal that line.
Random Guy in Line: Not at all.
Labels: snippets