Luke: Happy Four Twenty. What should we drink to?
Luke: Happy Four Twenty. What should we drink to?
Me: To Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris.
Luke: And really good weed.
Me: Cheers.
Luke: Have you ever killed anyone?
Me: No. Why do you ask?
Luke: I wonder what it feels like.
Me: It probably feels like a one night stand with an ugly chick.
Luke: What do you mean?
Me: Like, it probably feels good while you're doing it, but then, afterwards, you probably feel really horrible. Who do you want to kill, anyway?
Luke: Well, it's funny you should ask. There's this one ugly chick that I banged, and she just won't stop harassing me.
Me: Wow. Everything comes full circle.
Luke: Yeah. Some things quicker than others, eh?
Russ: Happy Four Twenty. I have gifts for all.
Me: Aww, you're too nice. Thanks, Russ.
Emmy: Why do you guys celebrate Hitler's birthday, anyway?
Me: Because it reminds us that we simply must mellow out, lest we end up like Adolph Hitler, Dylan Klebold or Eric Harris?
Russ: Too true. Plus, I really like getting high.
Me: Also true.
Luke: Who're Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris?
Me: They were those kids who killed all those people at Columbine High School?
Luke: So why do you drink to them?
Me: Because they reminded the world what can happen if you piss off the mentally unstable.
Luke: And how is this a good thing?
Me: Watch it, Luke. You're starting to piss me off.
Luke: Russ, have you ever killed anyone?
Russ: Once, in the military.
Luke: What was it like?
Russ: I'm not gonna lie to you, Luke. It was fucking awesome.
Luke: So, it wasn't like fucking an ugly chick.
Russ: No, that's pretty much what it felt like. It's like, it's cool when you're doing it, but then you feel a little guilty.
Luke: Wow, Nate was right.
Russ: Nate's killed someone?
Luke: No, but he has fucked a lot of ugly chicks.
Labels: snippets