A lot of the training instructors that parasitize large corporations are like medical leeches: they do more harm than good when applied to healthy individuals.

Don't go there buddy, at least I don't work in Training.

External instructors typically work for small, specialist training firms or institutes. They may have even founded them themselves. It's in the refuge of these institutes that they can freely express their opinions about whether or not to capitalize given words in chart titles. I heard one instructor say, "You're smoking crack if you expect to check formulas like this on a Friday afternoon." I didn't know people who smoke crack expect to spend Friday afternoons checking formulas.

Presumably, the instructor hoped we'd be struck by her pearls of wisdom as if they were flushed from an airplane's lavatory.At another course, the instructor's biography read, "She is President of the Foundation for X and Executive Director of the Centre for X. She is highly published and has done original research in the field of X. She is a regular keynote speaker at the International Conference on X and is a recognized leader in the field [of X]." In actual fact the instructor had established the center for "X" some years earlier. The institute shall remain nameless, not by my doing but by her excruciating incompetence.

She tottered about the classroom making sweeping claims about the causes of worldwide woe and babbling nonsense like, "As humans we live in our minds." I'm not sure you live in yours, unless you've been checking formulas on a Friday afternoon.

At one point she cited no less than Nazism, an errant teenage son, global warming, and an article about a student who fell off a cliff as examples of failures in management thinking. Not an iota of possibility was ascribed to geopolitics, bad parenting, or the wrong hiking boots. How many deaths could have been avoided if the Nazis had used her "assumption wheel?" The class sat in silence, dumbfounded.

I'm seriously considering teaching her course.

Her slides were in keeping: she used a clipart Jekyll and Hyde caricature, unrelated newspaper clippings, and all manner of mnemonic polygons. She also had a peculiar habit of taking very long pauses and staring intently after making a point—any point. Presumably, she hoped we'd be struck by her pearls of wisdom as if they were flushed from an airplane's lavatory.

As if that were not enough, the group exercises consisted of copying out passages in her various pamphlets and then discussing the notes. You can lead a camel to an oasis but it can't drink a mirage.

Don't bring me into this. This is between you, her and the leech.

My displeasure with the course was all too evident and the instructor made it clear that she would refuse to teach any more courses if I signed up. Pen, please! The main lesson here is that you should never sit at the front of the class until you're sure that your instructor doesn't lack any major cognitive faculties.

I wish I could say my experiences were unique, but judging by comments I've received, I'm not alone. It appears that there's no shortage of teachers with dubious qualifications, equally dubious statistics, sweeping generalizations, and a smattering of cringe-worthy acronyms, all poorly referenced. Perhaps statistics help us overlook the glaring holes in the trainer's résumé. The less value a course has, the more a trainer needs acronyms and silly phrases ("dialoguing sessions") to generate an air of worthiness. There are plenty of other techniques too: they will try "unorthodox" methods, hand out tip sheets, and encourage you to "be yourself." If you wouldn't mind being someone else while being yourself, that would be great.

Seriously dude, you have issues.

Related

Resources