>>> About Last Night…
By staff writer Ali Wisch
June 22, 2005

Hola! I'm writing to you from Barcelona, Spain…one of the premier party capitals of the world. There's just something about this city that makes you want to party no matter what; despite the jet lag, the previous ten hours spent on a plane, the pimple that developed somewhere over the Atlantic, and the lack of shower, you're always still able to get amped to go out. Maybe it's because you know somewhere out there a bunch of guys with accents are waiting (every girls weakness), or maybe it's because after a few glasses of sangria, a shot or two of Absolut, and five or so beers, you know you won't give a fuck how tired you are—all you'll want to do is dance.

Regardless which bar or club you choose for the evening, you're pretty much guaranteed a sweet time. Choices range from Euro-trash techno, to hip-hop, to best of the 80's and so on. Sure, the clubs can be a little hot, but sometimes it's that sweaty glisten that makes everyone look sexier. Plus, the people are more beautiful then Brad and Jen's children would have been, and the music and alcohol flow through your veins like grade A heroin in a junkie's first day out of rehab. No matter how drunk you are though, or how good you're feeling, there are always a few things the clubs would be better without…

1. Bad dancers: Fun to watch, NOT fun to dance with. Don't get me wrong, I'm no Shakira, but I can stick to a beat. Some people should just avoid dance clubs entirely though, including those who still think the “robot” and the “running man” are actual dance moves, and those who use invitations to dance as an excuse to rub their concealed, yet unbearably obvious, boner all over you (that includes you, Swedish guy in the blue Lacoste shirt at La Ramblas last night).

2. Any drink costing over ten Euros/dollars: Unless I'm getting a glass of Cristal, I'm not going to pay the equivalent of a plane ticket to Ibiza (I kid you not) for a screwdriver. My friend and I discovered that if we pooled together all of our money for drinks, it could either a) buy one fancy drunk night out in Spain or b) buy us enough Coors Light to last us our next three years in college.

3. People who can't speak English (and American guys): Please don't take it personally. I am a HUGE fan of American guys. However, while I'm in Barcelona, that's not who I'm going for (nor are any of the other American girls I've met here). We love you boys but if we wanted to pick one of you up at a bar we wouldn't have flown thousands of miles away to do it. As for people who can't speak English, I'm sure anyone who has traveled to a foreign country has experienced this. First, you spend the whole night looking for the man or woman of your dreams. Then you spot them from across the room and casually make your way over. After a brief exchange of “hello's,” you realize your foreign masterpiece has a hot Italian accent. You then proceed to try to make conversation with this person and out comes the vocabulary of a 5-year-old prostitute. This being said, if this person CAN manage to say more than a few words in English, the foreign accents are worth every awkward stumble. I recommend you American boys learn how to fake 'em—trust me, I promise you'll get more girls than the Backstreet Boys at a bar mitzvah.

While it would be wonderful if all these things were eliminated from the party scene, it certainly does not seem like it will happen in the near future. So bring your vodka in a water bottle, avoid guys with a creepy stare, make sure they can speak more than a couple words of English, and drink 'til you black out so you don't remember the rest. Enjoy.