>>> Ask Nicole

By staff writer Nicole McKaig
March 3, 2004

 

Dear Nicole,

There is this guy and he always flirts but I can’t tell if he really likes me… all his friends ask if I like him. It would be nice to have someone who liked me. So does he like me or not?

Lanna
 

Dear Lanna,

Guys are hard to read. We girls have emotions oozing out of every orifice, and we can’t understand why guys don’t. Coaxing a guy into a meaningful conversation about his feelings is a difficult task, so you may have to be a bit devious! Try setting a little “trap”: Dig a hole in the ground and put a rug over it. When he falls in the hole, ask him if he likes you.

Sincerely,
Nicole

 

 
Dear Nicole,

I’m asking your advice because I have no one else, you are my everything. I am a hermaphroditic citizen, please tell me is it wrong to pleasure one of my reproductive organs with the other?

Augie
 

Dear Augie,

This is a very common question. It’s not wrong to pleasure yourself, but be careful not to knock yourself up. Trying to collect child support would be a legal nightmare.

Sincerely,
Nicole

 

 
Dear Nicole you are the biggest piece of shit. Nigger.

Sk8erDie69
 

…Mom?
 

 
Dear Nicole,

I’m 22 and I can’t find my mate. Why can’t I?

ApeMan49
 

Dear Ape,

A lot of times when I can’t find something, it turns out it fell behind the couch. Be sure to check there. Also, that space between your mattress and the bed frame.

Sincerely,
Nicole
 

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