>>> Ask Nicole
By staff writer Nicole McKaig
December 3, 2003

Dear Nicole,

Why the fuck are females so difficult? I’ve been hooking up with fat chicks for the past two years, but I’m a skinny guy and I only like skinny girls. I don’t know what the problem is. I just want to know where all the skinny girls went?

Joe

Dear Joe,

Unless you’re paying very close attention, skinny girls can be easy to miss. Try checking behind doors, between floorboards, and inside cheerleading uniforms.

Sincerely,
Nicole

Dear Nicole,

I got it on with this guy who already has a girlfriend. I know the old rule is that if he cheated on his girlfriend with you then he will cheat on you with someone else, but his girlfriend hadn’t given him any in a long time. If I date him after they break up, do you think he will cheat on me?

Unsure

Dear Unsure,

Since the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, there's a good chance he might cheat on you. Besides, his current girlfriend may be denying him her sweet, sweet luvin' for a legitimate reason. For example, maybe he's Amish and insists on using solid oak condoms. Or maybe he can't get it up unless she's wearing the crotchless gorilla suit. In either case, make sure you have all the facts.

Sincerely,
Nicole

Dear Nicole,

I broke up with my boyfriend three weeks ago after dating him for only two months. I recently began to notice his oh-so-cute best friend who has admitted to me that he likes me. We want to be together, but don't know how to handle the situation with my ex. Please help!

Annie

Dear Annie,

Although technically you're not doing anything wrong by dating his best friend, your ex will still feel some rejection, so you need to handle the situation delicately. Explain that it's nothing personal, it's just that he's sexually inadequate, and his penis is too small to satisfy you. Make sure to have this discussion somewhere he feels relaxed and comfortable, like in front of all his friends.

Sincerely,
Nicole

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