>>> The News: JAY KAY!
By staff writer Amir Blumenfeld
October 20, 2004
The real news (for boring people)
The breakdown (for college people)
Kids Pick Kerry to Be the Next President
NEW YORK – Kid power! Democrat John Kerry is the winner, and the rest of the country should pay attention because the vote on Nickelodeon's Web site has correctly chosen the president of the United States in the past four elections.
I'm sorry, did you just start your newspaper article with KID POWER?! Did you go to Harvard Journalism School for THAT?! Who wrote this article? A Mighty Morphin Power Ranger no doubt.
Nearly 400,000 children and teens voted, and the results were released Wednesday. Kerry received 57 percent of the vote; President Bush got 43 percent.
Kerry Kerry Bix: Kid tested, Mother approved. My god that was a stretch.
Nickelodeon has been airing information on the Nov. 2 election, plus sponsoring debates where kids could put forth their views on the environment, the war in Iraq and terrorism. Some animated shows on the cable channel also have been focusing on the election.
It's good that we're teaching 12-year-olds to vote because they can't. Wait, nevermind, it's not that good.
Linda Ellerbee, who writes and hosts “Nick News,” says their voting usually reflects their parents' views; but not all the time.
Jesus Christ, how old is Linda Ellerbee now! Let's see she was 45 when I was a kid, so she's…umm…103? 104?
“Every so often you get a kid that says, ‘My parents are voting for X, but I'm voting for Y,'” she said. “It's amazing, the point when kids start forming their own ideas about issues.”
It's really amazing that some kid's parents are voting not for a candidate but for a mysterious letter. I mean I'm gonna write in “Q” but still.
Ellerbee said Nickelodeon has been traveling the country teaching about the election and the importance of being socially informed. Seven-year-old Anthony Viggiano of Baldwin, N.Y., won a contest for the best song lyrics about freedom of speech and performed it with rocker John Mellencamp.
Afterwards the kid's dad was rumored to say “Who's John Mellencamp?” You got it kids, John Mellencamp is SO old, even his father is too young to remember!!
“If we can get kids interested earlier in voting, when they can legally vote, they will,” she said. “They will run for office, they will be the candidates (that) people want to vote for.”
That's right, there will be 4 million presidential candidates, and everybody will vote for themselves. YOU HAPPY NOW?!
Ellerbee, who will announce the results on “U-PICK Live” Wednesday night, said many children wonder why they can't vote in the real election.
Silly little kid, you're far too stupid to vote! Only smart mommies and daddies in Texas and Oklahoma get to vote! Though that doesn't make much sense either… DAMN THOSE RED STATES!
“Kids aren't dumb, they're just younger and shorter,” she said. “In fact, last election, a boy came up to me and said, ‘We picked George Bush to win, and he didn't really win. Al Gore won the popular vote, so we were kinda wrong.' Quite an observation.”
And Linda Ellerbee isn't dumb, she's just older and taller…and might I add fatter? Now I know what happened to the Orange SNICK couch if you know what I mean!!! (Because I don't…know what I mean that is.)